More older people across the UK are getting separated and divorced than ever before. Known as the “gray divorce,” older people are feeling empowered to leave unsatisfying relationships for a fresh start in their retirement years. Here are the major reasons why this is happening.
Growing Apart Over Time
As you age, your interests, ambitions, and life goals can evolve, which can lead to fewer opportunities to connect and share experiences. According to Good Therapy, this can look like you’re growing apart. “You feel isolated, walled off, and unsure how to reach out to your partner. You’re each living your own separate life despite sharing a home.”
Financial Disagreements
Couples who have different spending habits might find it hard to align their financial goals and find the topic of finances to be a constant source of conflict. These disagreements can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication, undermining the relationship’s stability.
Increased Focus on Individual Happiness
A greater awareness of mental health and well-being has led to more societal support for individuals seeking happiness and fulfillment, even if it means ending a long-term relationship.
This is particularly prevalent in older couples because, as people age, they often find time to reflect on their life choices and have a better understanding of what makes them unhappy.
Decline in Physical Intimacy
Older couples often face a decline in their physical intimacy, which can affect their overall feelings of connection and support. According to the MSD Manual, “the disorders and emotional changes that often occur with aging can interfere with developing and maintaining an intimate relationship. Aging can also change the way intimacy is expressed.”
Health Issues
Dealing with long-term health issues or illness can alter the dynamics of a relationship, especially if one partner takes on the role of caregiver for the other. This can be physically and emotionally draining, as well as changing the roles within a relationship.
Influence of Friends and Social Circles
Seeing friends or peers separate from their relationships can help provide older people with a model to do the same. On top of this, having a supportive social network can empower individuals to leave unsatisfying relationships as it provides them with emotional and practical support.
Technological and Social Changes
Changing social norms have altered attitudes toward marriage, divorce, and individual fulfillment, which can influence older couples’ decisions about their relationships. On top of this, the way others portray themselves on social media can impact perceptions of happiness and success, leaving others questioning their own life satisfaction.
Empty Nest Syndrome
When children leave home, couples have to navigate a new way of life without the shared focus of parenting. According to BetterUp, “It is a common phenomenon in which parents experience sadness and loneliness. They grieve the loss of a lifestyle and relationship that was part of their identity.”
Increased Longevity
Living longer means a longer period of retirement, and this is leading individuals to reconsider whether they want to spend those years in their current relationship. A culture of well-being has created a stronger drive to pursue happiness, even if it means making significant life changes.
Independence and Self-Discovery
There is a growing trend toward valuing independence and autonomy, especially in later life. People are seeking to understand themselves and feel fulfilled, which can lead to a reevaluation of the relationship in order to gain new experiences and achieve personal growth.
Communication Breakdown
Strong communication is essential for any relationship, but over a long period of time, miscommunication, unmet needs, and unresolved conflicts can lead to a build-up of resentment and distance between partners. This can become especially apparent as children move out of the home and couples begin to spend more time together throughout their retirement.
Lack of Conflict Resolution
The ability to forgive and resolve conflicts is crucial for the longevity and health of a relationship, allowing couples to overcome challenges and maintain their bond. Over a long relationship, if couples don’t work on this, they can detach from one another and prevent themselves from moving forward together.
Boredom and Stagnation
Being in a long-term relationship creates a sense of routine and predictability, but this can sometimes turn into boredom or stagnation. Humans desire novelty and excitement, so older couples need to explore new activities, interests, or hobbies together to ensure there is energy and excitement between them.
Infidelity
Global News reported that “20 percent of married people over the age of 55 have engaged in extramarital sex, while only 14 percent of couples under 55 are said to have cheated. Those in their 50s and 60s, however, were the most likely to cheat.” Infidelity can challenge the trust and emotional foundation of a relationship.
Cultural and Societal Influences
Divorce has become a socially accepted norm over the last decades, and this has shaped individuals’ views of their own relationships. This perceived norm influences couples’ decisions about staying together or separating, as it is deemed more acceptable.