A healthy romantic relationship requires mutual respect and prioritizing each other’s needs, at least sometimes. If your partner seems to have more respect for his or her buddies than they do for you, that can be a red flag that they’re not as invested as they should be. Here are 16 signs that your partner cares more about their friends than they do about you.
They Confide in Their Friends, Not You
While discussing relationships with close friends isn’t unusual, it can become a problem if your partner communicates issues to their friends without including you in the discussion. Reader’s Digest warns that certain aspects of a relationship should stay between those involved (to preserve trust) and that open communication is vital to solving problems.
They Compare You to Their Friends’ Partners
This isn’t a good sign unless they’re constantly telling you how awesome you are compared to their friends’ partners! Unfavorable comparisons damage your self-esteem, create friction, and promote insecurities. They also disrespect your individuality and unique strengths, implying that you aren’t good enough and need to change.
They Always Take Their Friends’ Side
In a healthy relationship, partners prioritize each other’s needs and feelings, even if they don’t always agree or understand their motivations. If your partner and their friends seem to be constantly ‘against’ you, it shows your partner cares more about pleasing them than respecting your opinions, feelings, or ideas.
They Involve Their Friends in Decisions
The Times of India suggests that friends should have an advisory role but shouldn’t have the final say on major life decisions. If your partner’s best pal is responsible for deciding how you date, when you move in together, how you manage your finances, or other serious choices, your partner lacks confidence and doesn’t respect you enough to seek your opinion.
They Spend More Time With Their Friends
If you find yourself constantly alone while your partner socializes with their friends, ask yourself whether this person wants to be with you. While external friendships and time apart are vital for a healthy relationship, a partner who spends all their spare time with their friends isn’t interested in having quality time with you—which is incredibly worrying!
They Share Intimate Details
Verywell Mind asserts that self-disclosure is vital in forming meaningful connections with others, platonically or romantically. Yet, there are limits to what your partner should share with their friends, especially if they involve you, your personal feelings, or sexual desires. A lack of healthy boundaries can leave you exposed and indicate your partner doesn’t respect you.
They Avoid Your Friends and Family
Suppose your partner makes a massive effort with their own friends but hesitates to mix with your family and friends. In that case, it can indicate they only care about their own relationships, demonstrating a lack of long-term commitment. If your partner makes excuses whenever your friends or family invite you as a couple, they probably aren’t interested in being a permanent part of your life.
Their Friends Always Need Help
Being supportive of friends is essential, but there’s a difference between your partner being helpful and consistently bailing on plans to assist various friends. NBC News warns that this can also be a sign of ‘pocketing,’ when romantic partners avoid including you in their friendships. It can leave you feeling like your needs don’t matter.
They Cancel Plans
Do you find yourself being pushed to one side as soon as your partner’s friends request time with them? While specific emergencies and special events can take priority, consistently canceling plans with you so they can be with their friends shows they see you as an afterthought and neither respect you nor value your time.
They Prioritize Their Friends’ Invitations
Special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or time off from work are key moments in a relationship, and considerate partners will think of each other before making plans. If your partner does things like attend a friend’s BBQ instead of your birthday dinner, you have to start wondering where their priorities lie.
Their Friends ‘Fight’ For Them
Do you constantly find yourself arguing with your partner and their friends? This isn’t a healthy way for grown adults to conduct a relationship and shows a significant lack of mutual respect. Seeking advice is one thing, but dragging their friends in to dominate an argument shows they don’t respect you and can’t fight their own battles.
They Compare You to Their Friends
Comparing apples and oranges is not only pointless, but it’s also hurtful and damaging. If your partner constantly compares your achievements or successes to their friends’ accomplishments and implies that you could do better (like them), they obviously don’t respect your journey and goals. Such an attitude can seriously impact your confidence and self-esteem.
You Feel Like an Outsider
Being in a relationship with someone with a tight circle of childhood friends can be tricky, especially if you aren’t privy to their shared history and ‘inside’ jokes. A loving partner will make an effort to include you, minimize your discomfort, and make you feel welcome—if they don’t, they probably don’t respect you or your feelings.
They Gossip
Sharing the nitty-gritty details of your sex life, past traumas, family dramas, or personal challenges is something only a disrespectful partner would do. Gossiping indicates they care more about entertaining their friends and being the center of attention than they do about the trust and privacy any healthy relationship should enjoy.
They Don’t Invite You
According to Hack Spirit, not being invited along when your partner hangs out with their friends is only acceptable with good reason (like a single-sex group or expense). If there isn’t a logical excuse to exclude you, the likelihood is that your partner either didn’t even consider you (that’s bad) or didn’t want you to come (that’s worse!). Either way, it’s a red flag.
They Automatically Share Their Friends’ Opinions
Failing to have an opinion of your own can be a sign of low self-confidence, but a partner who only ever voices the perspective of their friends (and never yours) may hold their buddies in far higher esteem than you. A supportive partner who can think for themselves will have their own opinions and only disagree with you respectfully and with validity.