19 Phrases to Use on People Who Are Purposely Being Rude to You

Written By Lisa Marley

When someone is being rude to you on purpose, it’s tough to know what to say. But there are some simple phrases you can use to stay calm and handle the situation like a pro. Here are 19 phrases that can help you respond to rudeness.

Are you okay?

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When someone is rude sometimes the simplest way to cut through the tension is to ask, “Are you okay?” CNBC says that this can put the other person in check. It shows concern for them while letting them know you don’t appreciate what’s been said or done.

Let’s try to find a solution together

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If the conversation is not going well, try saying, “Let’s try to find a solution together.” This phrase encourages you to work together and moves the focus from a personal attack to solving the problem. It uses teamwork and shows that you both want a good outcome.

I’m here to help, not to argue

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When faced with rudeness, you can say, “I’m here to help, not to argue.” This simple phrase shows your intentions and sets a better tone. It helps defuse the situation by making you a helper rather than someone looking to fight.

We seem to be misunderstanding each other

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When conversations spiral into rudeness, “We seem to be misunderstanding each other” can help refocus both parties. It’s a neutral way to suggest that both might not be fully understanding each other, suggesting a stop and think. This can pave the way for clearer communication.

Can we take a moment to cool down?

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When emotions are high, it’s helpful to say, “Can we take a moment to cool down?” Speak Confident English suggests this to communicate helpfully and is a good strategy for using with family and friends. It shows you want to resolve the issues and don’t want things to get worse.

Your tone makes it hard to listen

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If the conversation gets too heated, calmly say, “Your tone makes it hard to listen.” This phrase is direct but respectful, showing that the way something is said can affect how someone hears it. It encourages the other person to speak kindly, which makes things more productive.

This conversation is important to me

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To show commitment to fixing the issue, say, “This conversation is important to me.” It shows how much value you place on your friendship and the conversation itself, highlighting that you’d like to talk seriously and with respect. This can make both sides handle the conversation better.

I respect your opinion, but I disagree

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Keeping respect while disagreeing is vital. Say, “I respect your opinion, but I disagree”, as this straightforward phrase allows you to clearly say how you feel without dismissing the other person’s view, ensuring a respectful and calm exchange of ideas.

Could you say more about what you mean by that?

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If you find a comment unclear or too harsh, asking, “Could you say more about what you mean by that?” is a polite way to seek clarity and ask for a softer delivery reveals Harvard Business Review. It shows that you’re ready and interested to understand, but need a different approach.

I prefer not to discuss this while we’re upset.

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Choosing the right moment to talk is important. Suggest, “I prefer not to discuss this while we’re upset”, as this sets a boundary and makes sure the discussion happens when everything is a lot calmer. Choosing a better time is best when handling certain matters.

How can we make this better?

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Asking, “How can we make this better?” shifts the focus from fighting to fixing. It makes each person consider how to make things better and shows you want to find a positive outcome, encouraging working together to fix the problem.

Is there something else bothering you?

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Often, rudeness is a sign of much bigger issues. By asking, “Is there something else bothering you?” you open the door to understanding and talking about any other problems that may be triggering the rudeness, especially if it’s not normal for that person to behave in that way.

I value our relationship too much to argue

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Remind them, “I value our relationship too much to argue.” This phrase instantly shows that you prioritize your relationship and friendship over disagreement. This helps to keep things amicable and can lead to a quick resolution of the issue at hand.

Let’s focus on the issue, not on each other.

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To keep things objective, suggest, “Let’s focus on the issue, not on each other.” This encourages addressing the problem and resorting to becoming hurtful and personal in the comments. This encourages a respectful conversation, which in turn leads to a better result.

Can we start over?

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If things start off on the wrong foot, it might be useful to suggest, “Can we start over?” This offers a fresh start and a chance to engage more positively, wiping the slate clean of any initial misunderstandings or rudeness.

I think we both need a little space right now.

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When tension is too high, say, “I think we both need a little space right now.” Taking a break can prevent things from getting worse and give both sides time to cool down and think things over. This is a good way to clear heads and collect thoughts before continuing.

Do you know how that comes across?

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Sometimes it’s necessary to point out, “Do you know how that comes across?” says Science of People, as they may genuinely not understand that they’ve come across as rude. This response lets the other person know their words have crossed a line.

Let’s agree to disagree for now.

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If a solution seems impossible, a simple “Let’s agree to disagree for now” can be a wise choice. It acknowledges the inability to fix the issue right away without causing more conflict, allowing both parties to move forward respectfully despite their differences.

I’m not comfortable with this conversation.

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Expressing discomfort, like saying, “I’m not comfortable with this conversation,” sets clear personal boundaries. It shows that you’re happy to communicate but only in a respectful way that you feel comfortable with, but you’re not prepared to continue at the expense of your well-being.

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