As children grow, they tend to push boundaries more, which usually leads to more tension between them and their parents. But even when you argue with them, you still want your kids to know you love them. That’s why you should never say these 20 things when you’re mad at your kids.
Stop Crying
Not only is telling an upset child to stop crying pointless, but it’s cruel. Children experience huge emotions and discouraging them from expressing them is harmful. Remember that children aren’t adults, so don’t treat them the same way. Shaming your child from crying in an argument will only emotionally stunt them.
You’re Being Ridiculous
Sometimes, kids overreact to small things, but you shouldn’t undermine their feelings to end an argument. By making them feel like they’re being ridiculous when they get angry or upset, you’re telling them their feelings are irrelevant. Take a moment to calm down, then try to help them navigate their emotions calmly.
I Wish I’d Never Had Kids
We all sometimes say things we don’t really mean when we’re mad, but telling your child that you wish you’d never had them is one of the worst. Psychology Today reports that kids who feel unwanted are more likely to develop depression. No matter how angry you get, never make your children feel that unloved.
It’s All Your Fault
It’s frustrating when your child starts an argument with you, but making massive declarations will only make the situation worse. It’s also quite manipulative to tell a kid that everything is their fault in the heat of the moment because it piles unnecessary guilt onto them.
Are You Stupid?
It’s unnecessary to ask anyone if they’re stupid, but especially a kid. Children aren’t as knowledgeable or mature as adults because they’re still growing and learning, so don’t use that against them. It will make them think you see them as inferior and discourage them from sharing things with you.
You Make Me Sad When You Do That
Arguing with your kids likely does make you sad, but never try to use your feelings to manipulate your child. Experts consider parental manipulation to be a form of emotional abuse because it makes children out to be villains. Telling a child their actions make you sad manipulates them into constant obedience out of guilt.
Because I Said So
Sometimes, you just want your child to listen to you and stop acting out, but using the phrase ‘because I said so’ is unproductive. It might end the argument, but it doesn’t really help them understand what they did wrong. It just shuts down the conversation and can lead to more mix-ups later on.
I Don’t Want to Hear It
Children argue with their parents for various reasons, including hormones, testing boundaries, and stubbornness. It’s rare that they’ll ever start a fight for no reason, so don’t dismiss them by telling them you don’t want to hear what they have to say. After all, how will you resolve conflict without knowing its source?
I’ll Give You Something to Cry About
Almost everybody has heard the phrase ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’, yet nobody challenges how wrong it is. Psych Central uses this phrase as an example of traumatic invalidation through which parents dismiss their children’s feelings and even punish them for being emotional. It’s futile and harmful.
You’re Useless
Parents and children often argue over things like school grades, chores, or extracurricular activities. In these situations, telling your child they’re useless is a misstep because it shames them and makes them feel like they’re not good enough for you. If they’re struggling or slacking, try to find out why productively.
I Wish You’d Go Away
When an argument isn’t resolving itself, it’s a good idea to get some space. However, don’t get this space by telling your child you wish they’d go away. Not only is it dismissive, but it can also be interpreted as you wish they’d permanently leave your home. Feeling rejected by your parents is dangerously isolating.
Shut Up
It’s rude, immature, and unproductive to tell anybody to shut up when you’re mad, but it’s even worse to say it to your child. It will discourage them from speaking to you because they think you’ll belittle their feelings. It also shows you quickly lose your cool, which will undermine you in the future.
I Do Everything For You
It’s a parent’s job to feed, clothe, house, and care for their children, so it’s incredibly manipulative to throw that in their faces when you’re mad. Guilting your children into good behavior doesn’t solve problems; it makes them bigger. Your kids will resent your guilt-tripping but will not communicate their feelings.
I’m Ashamed of You
Kids really want their parents to be proud of them. Saying you’re ashamed can really hurt them and will stick with them forever. Hearing that your parents are ashamed of you is devastating and negatively impacts a person for their entire life. They’ll never forget being made to feel inadequate.
You’re a Bad Son/Daughter
Lashing out in anger is a very human thing to do, but don’t let one moment of frustration ruin your parent-child relationship. GoodTherapy warns that telling a child they’re bad negatively affects their self-image. Don’t shame your child for being a bad son or daughter; teach them that their behavior is bad.
It’s Not a Big Deal
When we say things in anger, we might not mean them to hurt the other person, but we can’t control how they feel. That’s why it’s damaging to tell children that something isn’t a big deal because, to them, it is. The little things seem huge to them, and parents should always respect that.
I Don’t Want to Speak to You Again
When you tell your child you don’t want to speak to them again, you mean it temporarily. However, in their growing mind, you mean it eternally. This triggers immense feelings of rejection and can cause your child to shut off communication with you completely. Rejecting a child massively destroys their trust in you.
You Always Do This
Some children seem to be naturally obstinate but avoid using the word ‘always’ when you’re mad at them. Telling them that they always do something or always act a certain way is likely untrue and will make them feel manipulated. It dismisses what they’re feeling as an annoying habit and implies they’re bothering you.
I Don’t Care
Even if you’re exhausted or frustrated, making your children feel seen and heard is important. Snapping at them that you don’t care what’s wrong with them or don’t care about what they’re saying will teach them that they shouldn’t share anything else with you. As a result, your relationship will deteriorate.
I Hate You
Sometimes, children make their parents so angry that they think they might hate them. These feelings are normal, but telling your child you hate them can kill your relationship. Often the phrase ‘I hate you’ actually means ‘you hurt me’, which is what you should tell your child instead.
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