Selfishness is a common behavior in the animal kingdom, and self-interest is often necessary for survival. But humans are modern social creatures with complex relationships, and we’re no longer competing with others for our very existence! Here are 19 behaviors that indicate someone is only interested in themselves and will happily take from others to get ahead.
One-Sided Conversations
Unsurprisingly, selfish people often dominate conversations because they are so intently focused on themselves and their own perspectives. They may interrupt you, fail to ask questions, or show little interest in what you have to say. According to a study in JSTOR, people who share information and listen in return are perceived as more likable and trustworthy.
Lack of Empathy
Empathy is understanding and acknowledging other people’s feelings, even if you don’t share them. Selfish people are self-absorbed, so they frequently fail to ‘put themselves in other people’s shoes.’ This can make other people feel unimportant and unheard when their feelings are dismissed, minimalized, or ‘canceled out’ by the thoughts or emotions of the selfish person.
Unfairly Taking Credit
Sharing credit for group accomplishments is a sign of respect and teamwork. A selfish person may try to take sole credit, claim praise for something they didn’t do, or downplay the contributions of others. They do this because their own status and effort are far more important to them than anyone else’s, which can leave their colleagues and teammates feeling demoralized.
Never Apologizing
Healthy relationships depend on both parties taking responsibility for their mistakes and apologizing when they do something wrong. Someone who struggles to apologize at all or who seems insincere is likely to be self-centered. Tell-tale signs of selfishness include shifting the blame, making excuses, scapegoating, and denial, all of which are unappealing character flaws.
Breaking Promises
If you know someone who constantly fails to show up, help out, or honor their commitments, they might be too obsessed with their own lives to consider those of others. Trustworthiness and reliability are essential for every type of relationship, and selfish people often lack them. They may cancel dates at the last minute, be absent from special events, or prioritize their own schedule.
Lack of Reciprocation
Business Insider writes, “If someone is self-centered, they usually don’t reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.” This can make relationships with them one-sided and draining without a balance of mutual give and take. A selfish person is often all too willing to receive help and favors from others but vanishes or makes excuses when you need assistance in return.
Always Needing to Win
A little healthy competition can be motivating, but a selfish person may need to win at all costs, regardless of the situation or the feelings of others. They may even resort to cheating to ensure victory and may engage in unsportsmanlike behavior like heckling their opponents or excessive bragging. It’s a pretty obvious sign that they can’t consider other people at all!
Strings-Attached Gift-Giving
Gift-giving seems like a positive, thoughtful act in a relationship, but watch out if it’s excessive and comes with hidden obligations or expectations. Selfish individuals only give gifts when it involves personal gain and use guilt, blackmail, or other manipulation tactics to get what they want from the situation. If you thought a simple ‘thank you’ was the end of it, think again!
Using People
People who only think of themselves don’t hesitate to use others as instruments to achieve their desires and goals. Even if they’re a friend or loved one, they’re unlikely to be above using you and can be pretty charming and sneaky about it, too! Selfish people often disappear when you have nothing to offer them or will merrily ‘throw you under a bus’ to get ahead.
Lack of Gratitude
Expressing appreciation is vital for a healthy relationship; it shows mutual respect and acknowledges the other person’s efforts. Global English Editing warns that selfishness often goes hand in hand with a lack of gratitude. If your time, support, or personal sacrifices aren’t receiving a ‘thank you,’ you may be dealing with someone who’s too self-absorbed to recognize your efforts.
Resentment
A little jealousy can be expected, but those who make a habit of being resentful aren’t capable of celebrating the achievements of others without comparing them to their own. If you want to scream, “It’s not about you!” whenever you enjoy some success or achieve a goal, your friend or loved one may be too selfish to focus on others, which is frustrating and emotionally draining.
Always the Victim
It’s true; sometimes, people go through a spell of misfortune, but constantly playing the victim is a suspiciously selfish trait. Self-obsessed people always seem to be the ‘wronged’ party because they can’t accept blame, take responsibility for their actions, or admit that they were wrong. Arguments can be particularly frustrating, and finding solutions can be almost impossible.
Dismissive
If someone thinks about themselves and no one else, they’re frequently dismissive of the efforts, feelings, and needs of others. If you feel like your own emotions and comfort level take a back seat to whatever they want, this indicates a lack of empathy on their part and a desire to prioritize themselves no matter what. Take care that your own physical or mental well-being isn’t forgotten!
Holding Grudges
Given how terrible they are at admitting fault or apologizing, selfish individuals can be incredibly tenacious about holding grudges. Everyone experiences anger and hurt feelings, but a self-centered person will be consistently unforgiving and will often use your mistakes or failings against you, either to incite guilt, as a punishment, or to play the victim.
Attention-Seeking
It’s perfectly okay to seek validation sometimes and to celebrate your achievements or mourn life’s challenges, but anyone who constantly seems to scream, “Look at me!” is only interested in themselves. Selfishness can manifest as interrupting to talk about their own lives, dominating social media feeds, steam-rolling others, or constantly seeking compliments or praise.
Stonewalling
We can’t get along 100% of the time, so conflict resolution is vital for a functioning relationship. It relies on mutual respect, active listening, and an open-minded approach to problem-solving. The Ananias Foundation says narcissistic, selfish people often withdraw from conflict and sulk until they get their way. This ‘shutting down’ can be a barrier to resolving problems maturely.
Disrespectful Behavior
No healthy relationship can survive without mutual respect for each other, but selfish people often engage in thoughtless, unkind, or self-centered behaviors. They’ll dismiss your ideas, speak over you, or ignore your boundaries. This can make you feel angry, unimportant, or uncomfortable and is a sure sign they only care about themselves.
Unhelpful
Nobody is obligated to help others all the time, but a general willingness to lend a hand is a sign of compassion and consideration. Selfish people only do things that benefit them, so they won’t help you without some kind of reward, be it emotional (like a promise to reciprocate) or physical (like payment). They’re also unlikely to help unless it’s convenient for them.
Exploitative
Do you have a friend or loved one who seems to ‘milk’ a person or situation as much as they can? Selfish people are always looking for a way to get the most out of another person’s good luck, kindness, or generosity and will always take the maximum they can get! They might borrow money without repaying it or abuse someone’s good nature to get perks and favors.
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