Have you ever had a conversation with someone who seemed like they were being polite but afterwards you’re not sure whether you’ve just been insulted? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Here are 19 behaviors that seem polite but are actually disrespectful.
Overusing “Sir” or “Ma’am”
Excessive use of formal titles can feel distancing or condescending, especially in informal settings. Some people might perceive these terms as overly formal or indicative of an age gap, and CNN explains that it can make people feel old or uncomfortable.
Giving unsolicited advice
Offering unsolicited advice can seem as if you are undermining another person’s ability to make decisions. It can imply that the other person is not capable of looking after their own problems without help, which might not be the intention, and it may seem like you think you know more than the other person.
Over-apologizing
Frequently saying “sorry” for minor or irrelevant issues can dilute the sincerity of an apology when it’s truly needed. Excessive apologies can also project a lack of confidence and reliability, especially in professional settings, and it can be frustrating for others to constantly have to reassure the apologizer.
Insisting on helping
Insisting on helping someone who has already declined assistance can be disrespectful of their boundaries and autonomy, and this behavior can be performed based on the assumption that the other person is not capable, which can be demeaning.
Interrupting to agree
Constantly interrupting others, even to agree with what they are saying or to give a compliment, is still interrupting. This can disrupt the natural flow of conversation and show a lack of listening skills. It can also shift the focus of the conversation to the interrupter rather than the person initially speaking.
Excessive compliments
Showering someone with compliments can sometimes feel overwhelming or insincere. They can also feel somewhat manipulative and be a sign of love-bombing, according to Business Insider. Excessive praise, especially in a professional setting, can undermine the seriousness of one’s capabilities and achievements.
Asking for permission for everything
Asking for permission for things that typically don’t require it might imply a lack of trust or confidence in the other person’s judgment. This can unintentionally reduce a person’s authority or dignity, particularly in a workplace setting, and it can get frustrating for other people to have to unnecessarily permit you.
Making decisions for others in a group setting
Making decisions for a whole group and assuming what they would prefer without consulting the other people can make one seem dismissive of their preferences and opinions. This behavior is rude and can create resentment among peers, especially if it becomes a pattern.
Always declining offers of help
Habitually declining offers of help or hospitality can make you seem dismissive of the other person’s goodwill. This behavior may seem polite to you, and maybe you don’t want to burden the other person, but it can limit the deepening of a relationship by not allowing someone to contribute or feel useful.
Correcting other people’s manners
Correcting someone’s manners, especially in public, can embarrass them and create resentment. This behavior can come across as assuming a position of superiority, which can be damaging to relationships, and according to Patch, it shows a lack of social skills.
Waiting too long to speak up
Waiting for too long to voice disagreements or concerns under the guise of politeness can lead to built-up frustration and miscommunication. This delay can hinder the timely resolution of issues and complicate simple misunderstandings.
Offering your seat in all situations
Offering a seat to someone, especially based on assumptions about their age or physical appearance, can be patronizing, as much as you’re trying to be polite. This can invade personal space or spotlight a condition that someone has that they might not wish to highlight.
Light touch during conversations
What is meant as just a friendly touch can often be seen as an invasion of personal space and make others feel uncomfortable. Touching others and the implications of that vary significantly across different societies. Some people might see uninvited touching as crossing boundaries.
Answering for other people
Answering questions that have been directed at someone else can undermine their independence and ability to speak for themselves. This behavior might unintentionally imply control or dominance over the other individual.
Replying for someone else in emails
Responding to emails on someone else’s behalf may seem like you’re being helpful, but without their permission, you may be breaching privacy and professional etiquette. This may also show the assumption that the other person is incompetent and unable to respond adequately on their own.
Giving etiquette tips
Giving unsolicited advice on etiquette can imply that the other person is socially inadequate or unrefined. This can strain relationships by making interactions feel like lessons rather than mutual exchanges, and as the Michigan Daily points out, it’s just rude.
Repeatedly asking, “Are you sure?”
Repeatedly questioning someone’s decisions under the guise of concern can undermine their confidence in their choices. This can foster unnecessary doubt and make simple decisions more stressful than they need to be.
Refusing to let someone else pay
Insisting on paying for everything can create a sense of financial imbalance and obligation. This behavior can undermine a sense of equality in relationships, making the other person feel as though they owe you, and it may also make the other person feel patronized.
Micromanaging your guests
Micromanaging every aspect of a guest’s comfort can make their visit feel controlled and overbearing when you’re just trying to make them feel at home. This can strip away the authenticity of the visit, making guests feel like they’re on a managed schedule rather than genuinely welcome.
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