It’s always hard to admit when we’re in the wrong, but if you find that you never apologize for anything – there might be a problem. Recognizing when we’re at fault is key to building healthy relationships. Here are 20 signs that you can’t own up to your mistakes.
You Deflect Blame
Instead of acknowledging when you’re in the wrong, you often blame other people and events. According to BetterHelp, this “deflection” is when someone knows they are wrong but blames others instead of admitting it.
You Rationalize Your Actions
If you’re being told that you’re in the wrong, but you choose to explain your behavior instead, this is a sign that you have trouble owning up to your mistakes. You might say that your actions haven’t really hurt anyone or try to justify your decisions.
You Avoid Accountability
Avoiding talks about being responsible means you dodge discussions about past actions. If you always switch topics instead of examining past choices, you likely know you’re at fault but won’t admit your mistakes.
You’re Afraid of Failure
If you’ve grown up believing that mistakes mean you’ve failed, you likely struggle to admit when you’re wrong. People with a fear of failure often struggle with perfectionism, which makes it hard to recognize and accept flaws.
You See Apologizing as Weakness
If you feel that apologizing shows weakness, you are unlikely to say sorry – even when you’re clearly in the wrong. Psychology Today turns this idea on its head, pointing out that knowing how and when to sincerely apologize is actually a sign of strength.
You Get Defensive Quickly
Instead of taking on feedback and criticism in a healthy way, you may immediately feel defensive and irritated. If you always feel attacked when someone suggests you are in the wrong, you are unlikely to really hear and understand what they’re saying.
You Play the Victim
When someone points out a mistake you’ve made, do you feel like you’re being treated unfairly? This might be a case of playing the victim, where you aim to make those around you feel sorry for you as a way to avoid accountability.
You Manipulate Facts
This is a classic tactic for people who have trouble owning their mistakes. You may twist details of events to make yourself look better or choose to be selective with your memories and information to create a case that supports your version of events.
You Hold Grudges
If you find that you use someone’s previous behavior towards you as justification for how you’re acting in the present, you’re holding a grudge to excuse your actions. Healthline states that grudge-holding can harm your mental and physical health – so let it go.
You Want Sympathy
When you’re found to be in the wrong, you may look for sympathy instead of apologizing and accepting fault. This could show up as emotional outbursts designed to gain sympathy, taking the focus away from the main problem.
You Ignore Feedback
We often receive constructive and useful feedback, whether at work or at home. However, if you always claim that other people are too critical of you or don’t understand where you’re coming from, this may be a way to avoid owning up to your mistakes.
You Project Yourself onto Others
Have you ever found yourself criticizing others for the very actions that you know you are guilty of? If so, you may be projecting yourself onto others. This puts you in a position where you are more comfortable pointing out flaws in others rather than yourself and is another way to shift blame.
You Overcompensate
When you realize you have made a mistake, instead of owning up to it and apologizing, you make grand gestures or work extra hard to cover up the error. These behaviors suggest admitting fault but aim to hide the problem.
You Have a Hard Time Expressing Vulnerability
It can require vulnerability to express when we have done something wrong. If you see being vulnerable as a weakness, you are unlikely to admit to your mistakes. The College of Intensive Care Medicine shares how being vulnerable is a way to show authenticity, making it a positive trait.
You Argue Over Details
If you turn into a lawyer during arguments, focusing on small details and semantics rather than concentrating on the main issue, then you’re likely trying to avoid owning up to your mistakes. Try to focus on the whole case rather than small things like word choice.
You Keep up Appearances
Are you focused on being perfect in the eyes of others? If this is the case, then you likely find it very difficult to admit your mistakes. Instead, you may hide or deny your faults when they’re brought up. This unrealistic facade will be difficult and exhausting to maintain forever.
You Ignore Difficult Situations
When you know you’ve done something wrong, you choose to actively ignore the people involved so that you won’t be held accountable. Examples of this may include ignoring phone calls, calling in sick to work, or cutting off certain family members.
You Use Humor to Deflect
In serious situations, you choose to make jokes or sarcastic remarks to shift focus from your mistakes. Although this can work occasionally, it is likely to come across as unprofessional in the workplace, and as insensitive at home.
You Avoid Responsibility
Do you ever find yourself using phrases that take agency away from yourself in difficult situations? An example of this would be saying, “Mistakes were made” instead of “I made a mistake”. This type of passive language shows an inability to accept fault, shifting focus to external factors instead.
You Lack Empathy in Arguments
Disagreements happen when there’s a break in understanding between us and the person we are arguing with. In these situations, if you choose to focus on winning the argument rather than showing empathy and a willingness to listen, you are actually avoiding accountability.
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