Sadly, you may come across people who weren’t shown enough love and affection during their formative years. Continue reading to find out if you recognize any of the following 18 adult traits that show an unloved inner child.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Adults who weren’t shown love as children often find that they struggle to form close bonds with people due to their inability to fully trust that intentions are genuine. Subconsciously, they might always be on the lookout for signs that someone is trying to betray or hurt them, leading to a very lonely situation.
Fear of Intimacy
A reluctance to be intimate with others is a common trait among those who don’t receive affection from their caregivers. Psych Central says that attachment theory can help us to understand why unloved children choose to protect themselves from potential emotional pain by keeping a good distance from people despite craving connection and love.
Overachieving
Some adults become obsessed with the idea that they need to put extreme pressure on themselves to excel in all areas of their lives in an effort to compensate for a lack of love. While this may temporarily make them feel good, it will always result in heightened stress levels and eventual burnout.
People-Pleasing
Those who go out of their way to constantly meet the needs of others, even at their own expense, are known as people pleasers. This trait usually stems from a deep-rooted desire for external validation, which comes from not being appreciated during childhood. Individuals who can’t say no to people need to put boundaries in place to protect their well-being.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Expressing emotions can be tough for every human being, but it is particularly challenging for those who weren’t shown love as children. They tend to struggle to put their feelings into words or may even bottle them up completely. It is incredibly important that they have healthy outlets for their feelings and a supportive circle of people around them.
Avoiding Conflict
Many adults from unloving homes are likely to avoid conflict where possible to protect themselves from uncomfortable situations. They might believe that it is a good idea to go to great lengths to maintain peace, even if it means compromising their own needs, but this often leads to an array of unresolved issues and eventual feelings of resentment.
Hyper-Independence
According to Psychology Today, ‘independence can become extreme for some who grew up experiencing a role reversal between their caregiver and themselves.’ These individuals will often insist on doing everything themselves because they fear the potential disappointment of having dependence on others or placing too much of a burden on them.
Difficulty Accepting Compliments
Receiving compliments can be uncomfortable for those who were never complimented or shown appreciation by their caregivers at a young age. They might downplay their successes or reject praise altogether, usually stemming from the feeling of being unworthy of it. To overcome this, a lot of inner work is needed to view themselves as worthy.
Need for Control
A lack of childhood love can result in a strong need for control in later life. This can look like micromanaging their environment and relationship dynamics in order to achieve a feeling of security. They may soon realize that this creates a huge strain on their energy levels and will ultimately affect the longevity of their close connections.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Individuals who weren’t loved as children tend to believe that they will be rejected if they attempt to assert boundaries with people that they care deeply about. This may lead to their needs not being met because they aren’t treating themselves as a priority, and those around them may end up taking advantage of it without realizing it.
Anxiety and Worry
Davanti Counselling reports the findings from a study performed by the Surrey Institute of Clinical Hypnotherapy as they write, ‘adults who perceive a lack of parental love as a child could be more likely to suffer anxiety-related issues.’ These adults may be in a constant state of stress making it difficult to enjoy their lives to the fullest.
Overly Critical of Themselves
Most adults possess self-criticism, but it is at its most extreme when there is a lack of love in early life. Focusing on flaws and engaging in negative self-talk are among the many signs, and they will slowly erode a person’s confidence in themselves.
Perfectionism
Holding yourself up to a high standard is a great practice to implement in your life, but there also needs to be an acceptance if things don’t go as planned to maintain a positive mindset. Perfectionism is common among unloved children and leads to unhealthy thought patterns that will affect their self-esteem.
Difficulty Making Decisions
Making an important life decision is never a breeze, but for adults coming from an unloving home, it can be almost impossible, and they may often depend on the advice of others. This difficulty is rooted in the fear of making the wrong choice or facing external criticism for whichever path they decide to go down.
Struggles with Self-Care
Self-love needs to be taught, and those who lacked love in childhood were likely never shown how to prioritize themselves. Instead, they check in on other people’s needs before their own, often resulting in burnout and various health issues later in life.
Fear of Rejection
Due to the rejection that they felt from their caregivers, unloved children grow up with a survival instinct to resist putting themselves out there to avoid the emotional turmoil that can come with not being accepted. They believe that rejection is inevitable and so won’t pursue relationships or things that they truly desire, not allowing themselves to grow.
Difficulty Trusting Their Instincts
Adults who grew up in an unloving home may have a challenging time developing a sense of self and an ability to trust their natural instincts. Instead of being confident in their actions, they tend to second-guess themselves and rely on the people around them for guidance.
High Sensitivity to Criticism
Unloved children in their adult lives often take feedback personally and feel deeply hurt when someone points out their flaws. The Minds Journal suggests that they may ‘try to become invisible to avoid criticism and feelings of disappointment’ as a coping mechanism because they view it as a personal failure rather than an opportunity for growth.
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