We all want healthy relationships as they’re essential for our happiness; that’s why it’s important to recognize the signs of toxic behaviors in people. However, these can be more difficult to see when they’re happening to you, so these 18 red flags for spotting toxic traits should help.
General Rudeness
This might seem obvious, but anyone who is rude to yourself or others is also likely to be toxic. Manners are free, and it takes minimum effort to be kind, so watch out for rudeness in people around you. However, remember, everyone has a bad day occasionally!
Manipulating People
A toxic person might try to manipulate you into doing what they want, twisting facts to make you doubt yourself. Forbes points out that manipulation can also involve “subtle tactics, emotional strategies or even more overt methods to get their way or maintain power in the relationship.” Yikes!
Lacking Empathy
Another trait of a toxic person is a lack of empathy, such as disregarding other people’s feelings and invalidating anyone’s emotions except their own. They may act selfishly, expecting everyone to understand due to their own lack of understanding of others’ feelings and needs.
Being a Control Freak
If you’ve ever had someone order you around, try to micromanage everything you do, suggest how you should think or feel, or generally attempt to control you, you’ll know how exhausting it is. They’re a control freak, which is a seriously toxic trait, and when you try to push back, they become defensive.
Constant Negativity
Similarly to constant criticism, chronic negativity is another toxic trait that slowly chips away at victims. It could include pointing out the worst-case scenario of everything you suggest and generally being pessimistic. No one wants someone like that around; it’s a drag!
No Concept of Boundaries
Boundaries are important in a relationship, yet a toxic person will choose to ignore them. They will pressure you to agree to activities you’ve clearly said no to, and if you continue to refuse, they might get angry or become forceful. You can say goodbye to your personal space, too.
Jealousy
Everyone gets a little envious from time to time, but excessive jealousy is a seriously toxic trait. If a friend tries to sabotage your successes, downplay your achievements, or prevent you from being happy, this is not okay. In fact, can you really call them a friend?!
Inability to Take Accountability
It’s undeniably difficult to admit mistakes, but a toxic person will always blame others instead of taking accountability. If there is nobody else to blame, they will find other things to blame their failures on, which only prevents them from learning. Psychology Today also claims that such behavior goes hand-in-hand with narcissism.
Insincerely Apologizing
If you do get an apology from a toxic person, it won’t be sincere. They may make false apologies to manipulate you, saying things such as ‘Sorry if you were offended by my honesty.’ This takes the responsibility away from themselves and places it on the other person for feeling that way.
Double Standards
A toxic person will be quick to justify any of their own actions that may be deemed negative, yet if you act in the same way, they’ll vocally challenge your behavior. They’re happy to tell people how to act, yet they’ll never act in the same way, showing double standards.
Loving Drama
We’ve all been in a room with someone who leaves us feeling mentally drained, and this can often be because they are feeding off negativity. They will intentionally exacerbate drama, thrive when we are in pain, and will generally cause conflict wherever they go. That’s just plain toxic!
Gaslighting People
A toxic person will happily gaslight you to detract you from their own negative actions or words. Merriam-Webster describes gaslighting as “the psychological manipulation of a person that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts and reality.” Watch out for this, as gaslighting can be subtle until it’s recognized.
Constantly Lying
Everyone lies from time to time, but constantly lying shows a lack of integrity and trustworthiness. It’s a super common trait in toxic people, who will happily lie or twist things to suit their agenda, making their actions seem better than they actually are.
They Can’t Accept Feedback
Feedback is helpful for anyone who wants to improve, but toxic people don’t see it this way. Instead, they take feedback as a personal attack, reacting aggressively or insisting their method is right and the other person is wrong, often without evaluating the feedback first.
They’re Entitled
There’s a difference between working hard to increase your chances of success and having a sense of entitlement. Someone with a toxic personality will expect to get special treatment, even if they haven’t earned it. They act like they are owed something and show little recognition for other people’s efforts.
Constantly Criticizing Others
Constructive criticism is something we all need occasionally, but this is very different from the toxic trait of constantly criticizing others. HuffPost even explains that constant criticism is so toxic that it’s actually one of the top predictors of divorce! Amusingly, such toxic people will never accept criticism themselves!
Intolerance of Differences
Toxic people can have a one-dimensional viewpoint that fails to see how other people might have varying experiences. This can make them discriminate against anyone who is a different race, gender, or sexuality from them. They may even mock other beliefs or viewpoints, refusing to consider different perspectives.
Being Self-Centered
Finally, constantly prioritizing one’s needs over others is perhaps the most common toxic trait. Self-care is important, as we all need to look after ourselves, but we need to think about how our actions affect others. Toxic people don’t understand this; they expect and seek attention and validation, taking but never giving back.
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