Insecurity can show up in many different ways, from how we interact with others to how we view ourselves. Many of us have moments where we are not very confident, but here are 17 common traits that often indicate someone is really struggling with insecurity.
Hyperbolic sprinklings
People that are insecure frequently seem to have a tendency to sprinkle embellishments through their stories. This is usually a way of covering their insecurities and making themselves seem better than they feel they are. For these people, their lives may not live up to their idealized self-image or the image they want to project to the world.
Ridiculously competitive
When a person is insecure they can often turn minor situations into competitions, as they always need to prove they are the best at everything. In addition, they might feel threatened when compared to others, which could cause them to react negatively. Hack Spirit notes that this is the only way they know how to lift their self-esteem.
Excessive boasting
Bragging about achievements and possessions is a means often used by insecure people as a way to seek validation and admiration from others. They like to show off their latest shiny and expensive things. They may also exaggerate their personal successes to mask deep-seated insecurities, according to Psychology Today.
Jealousy in relationships
Low self-esteem and insecurity can manifest as intense jealousy and insecure people can be afraid of losing a partner to someone else. This can result in the frequent checking of a partner’s phone or social media, to check who they are talking to and what they are talking about, and is a clear sign of mistrust and insecurity.
Over-attention to appearance
Spending an inordinate amount of time on appearance can be a way to cover feelings of inadequacy. People who are very insecure may seek constant reassurance about their looks from others. They can spend a lot of money and time on fashion and make-up and post a lot of selfies on social media, hoping for validation from followers.
People-pleasing behavior
Wanting to fit in and be liked by everyone is also a sign of insecurity and usually results from a fear of rejection. This is especially evident when someone tries to get the approval of someone they don’t even like. Often, insecure people will struggle to say no, fearing they might disappoint others and be disliked.
Quiet in social settings
Often in a social situation we may notice someone who is very quiet, and these people may be struggling with feelings of insecurity. Insecure people may fear that expressing their true opinions will lead to rejection or ridicule, so have a tendency to agree with popular opinions instead of voicing their own, to avoid conflict.
Constant need for reassurance
Everybody has experienced feeling the need for some reassurance. We all want to know that we are valuable to others. People who look for approval all the time are often subconsciously debating their own worth. This deep-seated need for reassurance about decisions, relationships, and abilities often points to insecurity.
Social withdrawal
A person’s feelings of insecurity may lead them to withdraw from social interactions, trying to avoid judgment from peers. They may also have a fear of being ‘exposed’ as inadequate in social settings, feeling that they are not good enough and that other’s might notice this. This fear can make them avoid any kind of social situation.
Obsessive comparison
Insecure people will often compulsively examine other people and compare themselves to them. They will obsess over others on social media and in real life, feeling that they do not measure up. This continuous comparison can further erode their self-esteem, especially if the people they compare themselves to are seen through airbrushed and filtered photographs.
Hostility or aggression
If a person’s first instinct is to be hostile or aggressive, this may be due to insecurity manifesting in an over-aggressive personality. This can be a defensive mechanism to protect oneself. Insecure people can have a tendency to misinterpret benign actions as personal attacks.
Defensive reactions to criticism
Insecure people can get defensive very quickly and will often react defensively to criticism, says Psych Central. They may take any criticism, even constructive, as a personal attack rather than helpful feedback and tend to rationalize or justify their errors instead of acknowledging and trying to learn from them.
Overthinking
Obsessively overthinking about every little thing is a common trait in insecure people. They might obsessively analyze past interactions and worry about something they might have said or done that they think was wrong or stupid. They also often worry excessively about the future, anticipating failure in their lives.
Indecisiveness
According to CNBC, insecure people “Suffer from a chronic inability to make decisions, even when the choices have little consequence.” Insecurity can lead to persistent indecisiveness, which may stem from a fear of making the wrong decision and can make the insecure person rely on others to make choices for them.
Imitating others
Oscar Wilde said imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but we say it can be a sign of insecurity. Some insecure people, trying to find themselves, might mimic people that they admire or think are popular. This creates issues, as a person cannot develop an identity when constantly trying to be like someone else.
Fear of solitude
Insecurity often leads to an intense fear of being alone. This can be equated, in some people’s minds, with being unloved or unwanted, leading them to seek constant companionship to validate their worth. This means that they might always need to be in a relationship or may constantly put themselves in social situations.
Social media validation
Posting frequently on social media for likes and comments can indicate that a person is seeking validation. They may constantly post videos, selfies, and status updates, hoping that they will get a lot of reactions, as their mood and self-esteem can be significantly affected by the online response they receive.
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