There are many ways insecurity can show up and it often affects how you present yourself to the world. Some are glaringly obvious while others are more subtle but there are 18 everyday behaviors of extremely insecure people.
A constant need for validation
Frequently seeking validation from others is considered normal in modern society, but it’s actually a sign that you’re extremely insecure. When we can compare everything about our lives and who we are on social media, insecurity is extremely heightened, and more people now need reassurance than ever before.
Being overly self-critical
If you regularly put yourself down and focus on your flaws, you’re likely to be lacking in confidence. There is no doubt that you’re your own worst critic, and no one is as hard on you as you are on yourself. It’s the most common trait of someone who is insecure.
Compare yourself to others
When you lack confidence in yourself, it’s extremely hard not to compare yourself to others. However, continuously comparing yourself to others leaves you feeling inadequate as a result. According to Psychology Today, around 10% of our daily thoughts are comparisons and this can lead to deep dissatisfaction.
Displays of jealousy
For someone who is very secure in who they are, it’s difficult to be jealous. With self-worth at a high level, feelings of envy are extremely rare. In contrast, jealousy usually has a deep meaning, and showing signs of jealousy shows how insecure you may be.
Avoiding challenges
Shying away from new opportunities or challenges due to fear of failure or rejection is common for anyone who feels insecure. This is usually due to doubting your own abilities and worrying about what people may think of you. It’s often easier to stay in one’s comfort zone.
People-pleasing
Insecure people usually go out of their way to please others. This is often at the expense of their own needs and desires, as they lack the confidence to stand their ground. When they’re insecure, it is more important to impress people and receive their validation rather than stick up for themselves.
Defensiveness
Secure people don’t often get defensive; they know their worth and don’t feel the need to argue their case. On the other hand, insecure people usually react defensively, even to constructive criticism. Verywell Mind says that defensiveness often stems from low self-esteem.
Attention-seeking
Drawing attention to yourself regularly typically shows you’re craving a self-esteem boost. Rather than simply sharing successes, attention-seeking usually presents itself as exaggerating achievements or problems. However, the attention received rarely has the desired effect, and the small ego boost you might get doesn’t last long.
Over-apologizing
Insecure people are on auto-pilot when it comes to apologizing. It’s normal to frequently apologize, even if not necessary when you’re insecure. It’s a way to avoid conflict or disapproval before it even has the chance to arise. Most of the time, insecure people don’t even realize it’s simply automatic.
Withdrawing socially
If insecurity is particularly extreme, social withdrawal can come into play. Avoiding social interactions or gatherings is often due to fear of being judged or rejected. However, this withdrawal is never usually positive and regularly leads to isolation or loneliness that can have an impact on mental health.
Perfectionism
We often strive for perfection to receive approval from others, not ourselves. Striving for perfection is an attempt to prove your worth and avoid criticism. Perfectionism is striving to meet high standards without fail, but Harvard Business Review calls it a double-edged sword.
Taking things personally
If you’re not secure in yourself, it is hard not to take things to heart. Even neutral or meaningless comments and actions can feel like personal attacks. You may feel like everyone else is judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself, but it’s highly unlikely.
Can’t accept compliments
Although compliments should be great to receive, it can be difficult to take them on board. If you’re having trouble accepting compliments, it’s probably a sign that you’re deeply insecure. If this is true, you probably also downplay your achievements to avoid receiving positive feedback.
Excessive boasting
Insecurity can manifest in many ways, and while one person may downplay their achievements, another will overemphasize them. Excessive boasting is typically an attempt to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. It is a desperate search for external validation when you’re craving a confidence boost.
Overanalyzing interactions
When your brain goes into overdrive, and you find yourself analyzing every minute detail, you can find yourself wondering if other people think this way, too. However, overanalyzing interactions and situations is extremely common, even normal, if you’re not secure in yourself.
Abandonment is a common fear
Many insecure people have a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. When this worry is always at the forefront of your mind, it is usual to exhibit clingy or needy behaviors in relationships due to a fear of being rejected. MedicalNewsToday says that abandonment issues are connected to an anxious attachment style.
Micromanaging
Insecure people often try to control every aspect of their environment to feel safe and in control. This may also result in trying to manage other people and their actions. This behavior is a big indicator of underlying insecurity and a lack of self-confidence.
Being Indecisive
Whether it is a big decision or something minor, insecure people are usually indecisive. This comes from a fear of making the wrong choice and the result of this. Not only is the outcome a concern, but indecisive people also worry about how people will perceive the decision they’ve made.
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