When we’re in the early stages of dating or a relationship, it can be easy to put on rose-colored glasses and miss things that could spell trouble for the future. But not to worry—to help you tell the red flags from the green, we’ve compiled a list of 18 early signs of a toxic relationship.
Jealousy and Insecurity
While it’s completely normal to feel a little jealous and insecure from time to time, if your partner is already showing unhealthy signs of jealousy in the early stages of dating, this could be a red flag. This is especially true if, instead of discussing their jealousy openly and honestly, they try to control your friendships or actions.
Lack of Respect for Boundaries
Toxic partners often have a problem with properly respecting their partner’s boundaries, and sometimes their own too. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up all of your personal time and space, so you shouldn’t allow anybody to make you feel like it should.
Constant Criticism
As noted by Verywell Mind, constant criticism, negativity, and hurtful words can quickly lead to a toxic environment in which you’re no longer being respected. If your partner constantly makes you feel inadequate or inferior or mocks you for your shortcomings, you may be heading into a toxic relationship.
Excessive Need for Reassurance
It’s okay for partners to ask each other for reassurance every now and then, but if this turns into a constant habit stemming from deep insecurity or unresolved trauma issues, this could turn things toxic. Ask yourself whether this behavior feels okay for you or whether it’s beginning to impact your own happiness and well-being.
Gaslighting
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse used to make a victim question their own reality, sanity, and emotions. When one partner regularly makes the other feel invalidated, crazy, or misunderstood in this way, this is a big sign of a toxic relationship.
Manipulative Behaviors
Manipulation is never a good sign in a relationship. While this toxic behavior can be hard to spot, you should look out for tactics such as emotional blackmail, unfairly playing the victim, love bombing, and gaslighting. If you notice any of these issues cropping up, it may be a good idea to reconsider the relationship.
Unpredictable Mood Swings
If the person you’re dating has regular mood swings that can be very volatile and hard to predict, this could be an indication of emotional instability or unresolved mental health issues. This can be okay if they’re open about their problems and take active steps towards addressing them, but if they don’t, it could end up causing a lot of anxiety and stress.
Overstepping Privacy
Contrary to what some people believe, being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should give up all of your privacy and boundaries. If your partner quickly starts demanding that you give them your phone or social media passwords, this could be a red flag that they don’t trust you or respect your privacy.
Love Bombing
While love bombing can initially feel loving and flattering, it often hides more sinister motives. It is often a manipulation strategy used to garner your affection and gain more power or control over you. Love bombing can manifest as exaggerated displays of love, extravagant gifts, and wanting to commit extremely quickly.
Isolation from Friends and Family
Does it seem like your partner is always trying their best to get you away from your friends or family members? If so, this could be a sign that they’re more toxic than you thought. This is often used as a way to separate you from your support system, causing you to become more dependent on them.
Financial Control
People who try to gain control over their partner’s finances in the early stages of dating are almost never good news. While it can be healthy to discuss your finances openly with each other, you shouldn’t allow them to gain too much access to your personal money if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
Avoidance of Responsibility
Does it feel like you’re the only one who takes responsibility for problems in your relationship? If so, you may be dealing with a toxic partner. It’s very important for both parties in a relationship to own up to their mistakes and apologize when necessary. This helps ensure that everyone feels respected and cared for.
Overly Competitive
A little healthy competitiveness can help keep things fun and interesting in a relationship. But as noted by Healthline, if all of your successes and accomplishments become a competition for them, this can quickly turn things toxic. Instead, you should feel like your partner is there to support you through your achievements and hardships alike.
Disrespecting Time and Commitments
If your partner seems to constantly disrespect your time and commitments by showing up late, canceling plans, or expecting you to prioritize them over anything else, this can be a big red flag. It may indicate that they aren’t respecting you or your needs as much as they should.
Unwillingness to Compromise
While some incompatibilities are deal breakers that can’t really be worked through, it’s important that you find healthy ways to prioritize each other’s needs where possible. If your partner always insists on things going their way to your detriment, this could be a sign of toxicity.
Emotional Withholding
Some people intentionally punish their partners for what they see as “bad” behavior by withdrawing emotionally, sometimes giving them the silent treatment, or turning down any form of affection. This is an unhealthy way of dealing with conflicts and could be a sign of toxicity.
Lack of Empathy
According to Psychology Today, a partner’s lack of empathy often manifests as them shutting down your feelings, dismissing your emotions, and shaming you for how you feel. If you recognize these signs, you may be dealing with an unempathetic partner who can’t give you the emotional respect you deserve.
Pressure to Conform
You should never be made to feel like you have to change important things about yourself for the sake of conforming to someone else’s expectations. It’s okay to have preferences, but if your partner makes you feel forced to do this, it could be an indicator of toxicity and unhealthy control tactics.
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