Love and truly being in love might seem similar, but there are key differences between the two. While both feelings may start off the same, they develop in unique ways over time and impact how deep your connection really is. Here are 18 ways to tell if you simply feel love for your partner or if you’re really in love.
Physical Attraction vs. Emotional Bonding
Often, physical attraction sparks the initial interest in a relationship, but it is a surface-level attraction that is not reliable in the long term. According to Choosing Therapy, when you have an emotional connection, “your attraction is deepened by long and in-depth conversations about shared values and desires, and you feel the other person is also emotionally connected to you.”
Depth of Emotion
Being in love with someone involves a deep sense of understanding and empathy towards your partner that goes beyond companionship or passion. You should be able to look past their flaws and resolve conflicts in a constructive manner in order to work towards mutual satisfaction.
Excitement vs. Contentment
The early stages of a romantic relationship are often exciting as you discover your love for one another, but this should evolve into contentment as your relationship grows. Keeping your perspective and expectations realistic makes you appreciate the time you spend together and helps you through the hard times.
Short-Term Infatuation vs. Long-Term Commitment
Experiencing infatuation with someone is generally an intense but short-lived feeling of admiration or passion. Falling in love, however, will involve making plans for your future together and working towards joint goals by supporting one another.
Lust vs. Intimacy
Lust is about intense desire, while love involves nurturing a caring and safe relationship. While it is an important part of a romantic relationship, lust shouldn’t be the only basis for your partnership, as you need strong emotional connections to develop your bond.
Valuing Independence
Of course, you might lean on each other for support both practically and emotionally, but emotional dependency takes things a step further. If you feel as if you can’t live without your partner’s emotional support, this could suggest that you have an unhealthy level of dependence on your relationship.
Being Realistic in your Perceptions
During the early stages of a relationship, you may find yourself hiding your flaws or not seeing the flaws of your partner. When you develop a strong connection, you’ll be able to recognize and accept your partner’s imperfections because you value them for being their true selves with you.
Passion vs. Compassion
Passion is an intense feeling of attraction and excitement that is often felt at the beginning of a relationship. Over time, this feeling will often reduce and be replaced by compassion. Compassion is a much deeper feeling of wanting to care for someone by understanding and supporting them through their struggles.
Communication Patterns
As you get to know someone, conversations will often be light, and you may avoid controversial topics that could risk causing an argument. To build a better connection, however, you’ll need to understand each other on a deeper level and be totally honest with one another.
Selfishness vs. Selflessness
Being truly in love with someone means prioritizing mutual support and working to ensure that both your physical and emotional needs are equally met. This might mean sometimes putting your partner’s needs before your own, something that isn’t often seen at the beginning of a relationship.
Emotional Presence
Your presence in a relationship shows your partner that you are connected to them. In a new relationship, this may have more to do with showing affection and interest in one another’s lives, but as the relationship develops, this should become more about being emotionally present. Emotionally present partners will actively engage in your life and give you consistent support.
Acceptance of the Whole Person
When you are dating or getting to know someone on a romantic level, you’re likely to look for certain traits. These form the basis of your connection, but as your partnership grows, you should grow to accept the individual as a whole, even their more challenging or less appealing personality traits.
Shared Values
It’s great to have shared hobbies and interests, but in a long-term relationship, you’ll want to ensure that your values and life goals are aligned with those of your partner. Having the same ethical and moral standards means you’ll be able to strengthen your connection and build a partnership based on respect.
Growth Together
In a relationship based on true love, you should be committed to growing together. You’ll most likely have to adapt along the way as you face changes in your lives, and this will help create a stronger bond between you.
Fun vs. Fulfillment
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, it should be about fun and laughter as you get to know each other. As the relationship enters true love, however, you should start to find joy in the sense of fulfillment you experience when you spend time together.
Vulnerability and Openness
To start with, you may find you don’t speak to your partner about your deepest fears, and you’re less able to be vulnerable with them. As the relationship progresses into true love, you’ll find that you are able to be completely open, as you have built a deep level of trust with them.
Celebrating Differences
If you are truly in love with your partner, you should be able to recognize and celebrate the differences between you. It’s also important to remember that these differences mean that each of you has unique strengths and weaknesses that you can use to support one another.
Unconditional Support
While you might only support someone if you’re feeling satisfied in a new relationship, those who are truly in love will unconditionally support their partner. This means supporting their goals and guiding them through difficult times, even when you must make a personal sacrifice.
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