Parent-child relationships can shape a person’s whole life. When these relationships involve toxic speech and language, understanding this can help adult children heal from these interactions. Here are some common manipulative phrases that toxic parents might use on their adult children.
We Always Did Everything for You
Parents who insist that they “always did everything for you” often use this as control, implying that you owe them for your upbringing. This can make you feel completely indebted, stopping your ability to make choices for yourself without guilt.
Learn to Take a Joke
When parents tell you to “learn to take a joke”, they want to dismiss your feelings and emotions. Healthline suggests that the purpose of this is to rationalize their verbal abuse and undermine your experiences. This makes you question the reality of your reactions and causes you to shut down your emotions.
I Don’t Know Where We Went Wrong with You
The phrase “I don’t know where we went wrong with you” is a manipulative tool used by toxic parents to make you take the blame for any family issues. It makes you feel that the problems in the family are because of your actions or decisions.
You Owe Us Your Time
Stating “You owe us your time” can be a heavy phrase from parents who refuse to recognize your independence. This is often used to guilt you into putting their needs above your own. According to the Cleveland Clinic, an inability to respect boundaries is a clear sign of toxic parents.
After All We’ve Done for You
“After all we’ve done for you” is a phrase that toxic parents use to remind you of their past sacrifices, making you feel that you have an ongoing debt to repay them. This can lead to overwhelming feelings of resentment that can take priority over your own needs.
You’ll Understand When You’re a Parent
“You’ll understand when you’re a parent” is often used to end arguments by stating that your lack of parental experience spoils how you see things. This dismisses your views and suggests that you cannot fully understand the situation until you have children of your own.
Just Wait Until We’re Gone
“Just wait until we’re gone” is a controlling prediction used to guilt trip you into doing what they want. It plays on the fear of regret, suggesting that you will only appreciate their advice or presence after they are no longer around.
No One Will Ever Love You Like We Do
The claim that “no one will ever love you like we do” is said to make you feel that any other relationships with friends or spouses are inferior to the bond with your parents. This can stop you from seeking or maintaining other healthy relationships.
You’re Being Overly Dramatic
Choosing Therapy says that when toxic parents tell you that “you’re being overly dramatic”, they are trying to distort your reality by minimizing your issues and experiences. This phrase is used to make your emotions seem silly, as though your reactions are over the top and not to be taken seriously.
You Think You Have It Bad?
The rhetorical question, “You think you have it bad?” is used to simplify your struggles by comparing them to other, supposedly bigger problems that others are suffering. This can stop you from showing your feelings or trying to get help.
You’re Not Remembering It Right
If you’re told “You’re not remembering it right”, it’s a way for toxic parents to rewrite your experiences. This is a form of gaslighting that can make you doubt your own memory and perception, which can be damaging to self-worth and create confusion.
We Sacrificed Everything for You
When parents state that they “sacrificed everything for you”, they are often trying to create a sense of massive debt. This can pressure you into making life choices that are more about what’s best for them or repaying this perceived debt than about doing what’s best for you.
You Always Need to Have the Last Word
The accusation that “you always need to have the last word” is used to criticize your right to express your thoughts or defend yourself in any way. It makes it seem as though you are stubborn or confrontational rather than simply trying to tell them how you feel.
We’re Family, and Family Comes First
The statement that “we’re family, and family comes first”, is used to put family needs over your own needs. While it can give a sense of belonging, it is often used to force you into giving in to family expectations at the expense of your own well-being.
It’s Just a Joke, Don’t Take It So Seriously
The dismissive phrase, “It’s just a joke, don’t take it so seriously”, is used to excuse hurtful or inappropriate comments. It shifts the blame to you for being offended, rather than addressing the inappropriateness of the comment itself.
You’ll Regret This When We’re Not Around Anymore
“You’ll regret this when we’re not around anymore” exploits your fear of possible regret to manipulate your current behavior. It’s a form of guilt-tripping that is used to sway your decisions by making you focus on fear of the future.
This is For Your Own Good
The assertion “this is for your own good” undermines your ability to make decisions for yourself. Parents who use this phrase are trying to instill a sense of powerlessness states All About Psychology, often this is with no thought for your own feelings and wants.
Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sibling?
The comparison, “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?” is a direct way to undermine your self-esteem by saying that you are less capable or valuable than your brother or sister. This can cause resentment between family members and hurt self-worth.
You Don’t Know How Good You Have It
The claim that “you don’t know how good you have it” is often used to make you feel guilty for complaining or wanting something different. It dismisses your feelings and wants, implying that you should be more grateful for what you have.
Up Next: 17 Places in the U.S. Where Even Truck Drivers Won’t Stop
Truck drivers tend to be hardy souls—well-seasoned travelers who aren’t often afraid to rest up or refuel in risky locations. However, there are certain U.S. locations that even the most road-weary trucker refuses to stop at for fear of criminal activity or natural dangers. Here are 17 such locations that even experienced truck drivers approach with trepidation (or not at all).
17 PLACES IN THE U.S. WHERE EVEN TRUCK DRIVERS WON’T STOP
17 Things Guests Actually Notice Right Away About Your House
Inviting people into your home is a big deal. You may be very house-proud or house-conscious, and if you are either, you’ll likely get anxious about hosting. If this sounds like you, stop worrying and focus on the following 17 things that guests actually notice right away about your house.
17 THINGS GUESTS ACTUALLY NOTICE RIGHT AWAY ABOUT YOUR HOUSE
The 17 Unhappiest States in America
The US has hit an all-time low position in the World Happiness Index, tumbling to 23rd in 2024. However, it’s important to remember that location is an important factor; many US states are very happy, unlike the following 17 US states that appear to be the most unhappy.