We all have the ability to lash out when we get angry – having emotions is part of what makes us human. However, there are some things that are really mean to say to another person – particularly someone you love. Here are 18 things that you should never say to your significant other.
“If you loved me, you would…”
Suggesting that your partner doesn’t love you unless they’re willing to do something specific for you, is a form of manipulation according to The Washington Post. It’s a way to exert control and puts all kinds of unfair pressure on your significant other.
“I wish I never met you.”
Ouch – this one hurts! If you say this to your partner, you’re going to create long-term problems in the relationship. Your significant other is going to feel totally unwanted, and might never be sure if you’re actually committed to staying together.
“You’re just like your [negative family member].”
This is a cheap shot aimed at triggering a reaction in your partner. Comments like this are completely unfair and will back your loved one into a corner where they’re sure to get defensive. Never bring up sensitive family issues in an argument – it’s a particularly weak route to take.
“You always ruin everything.”
Using any phrase that contains ‘always’, like “you always do this” or “you always do that”, is a huge generalization and will make your partner feel unfairly blamed. With phrases like this, you’re dumping all of the responsibility on your partner, which is unlikely to actually reflect reality – especially if you say things like this.
“You never do anything right.”
Is it true that your partner never does anything right, or are you just trying to get a rise out of them? In most cases, with comments like this – the latter is true. One single phrase like this can completely undermine all the times your partner has tried to do something for you.
“You’re a disappointment.”
According to Psychology Today, it’s more painful to disappoint someone than to anger them – that’s why telling someone they’re a disappointment cuts so deep. When you say this to someone, you’re attacking their character rather than expressing your own feelings of anger, and that hurts more.
“No one else would put up with you.”
This phrase is so toxic – it’s manipulative and is a way to try to make your partner fear being abandoned. When you say “no one else would put up with you”, you’re making your significant other feel unlovable – it’s totally wrong.
“I hate you.”
Do you think that your relationship can ever properly recover after telling your S.O. that you hate them? I hate to break it to you – but it probably can’t. This is one of the worst possible things you can say to a loved one, and being angry isn’t an excuse.
“Just leave if you’re unhappy.”
Telling your partner to leave is troubling on two levels. First, it shows a complete lack of commitment, with a refusal to problem-solve, and second, it demonstrates an indifference to their feelings. You don’t need me to tell you that’s a pretty bad combo.
“You’re useless.”
Telling your partner that “They’re this” or “They’re that” is a form of name-calling, which should absolutely be avoided. Not only is name-calling considered verbal abuse, but it’s a direct attack on someone’s character, which can really damage their self-esteem.
“You’re overreacting.”
We’ve probably all heard this from someone at least once in our lives – but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to say. Fraser explains that telling someone they’re overreacting is actually a form of gaslighting, which is highly manipulative behavior. It’s a phrase used to invalidate someone’s feelings, rather than understand them.
“Shut up.”
When it comes to telling someone to shut up, it doesn’t take much to see this is just plain rude – it’s as simple as that. There are healthier ways to say that you need a bit of time to think, or that you would like a break from the argument.
“Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
Never, ever bring comparisons into an argument – this will always do more harm than good. Comparing your partner to someone else can only end one way, with them feeling inferior and underappreciated. This sort of comparison is also extremely difficult to come back from – it may ruin the relationship for good.
“You’re a liar.”
Even if you believe your partner is lying, outrightly accusing them of being a liar is likely to end up in an argument. If you want to seek clarity about the truth, that’s fine – but these can be discussed calmly, without name calling.
“You always think about yourself.”
Saying this to a partner is just another way of telling them that you think they’re being selfish. Naturally, they’ll probably feel pretty judged as a result. If you genuinely feel like your partner has become a bit self-centered, Bustle says that you’ll need to approach them without accusations.
“This is all your fault.”
Ah, the blame game – telling your significant other that it’s “all their fault” is unlikely to result in productive problem-solving. In fact, you’re probably going to add fuel to the fire with this one, especially if you’re already arguing, and your partner will feel extremely defensive.
“You’ve ruined my life.”
Making huge exaggerated statements like this is a huge no-no in arguments, as they rarely reflect reality. Unsurprisingly, if you tell your partner that they’ve ruined your life, they’re going to feel extremely hurt. They’re not responsible for your happiness, but with statements like this, you’re trying to make out like they are.
“You should know why I’m angry.”
Unless your partner is genuinely psychic, they’re unlikely to always know the reason behind your anger. If you don’t communicate how you’re feeling and get annoyed when your significant other can’t seem to read your mind, this is a pretty unrealistic and unfair expectation.
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