17 Phrases a Narcissist Will Use to Control You

Written By Lisa Marley

Narcissists have a unique way of manipulating those around them, often using specific phrases to exert control and dominance. Some people find these phrases quite difficult to pick up on at first. To help you spot them, here are 17 commonly used phrases by narcissists.

“You’re Overreacting”

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Global English Editing calls this phrase a ‘classic example of gaslighting.’ Narcissists often dismiss your feelings by saying it, and in doing so, invalidate your emotions and make you doubt your reactions and feelings. By telling you that you’re overreacting, they deflect attention from their behavior and place the blame on you, thus maintaining their control.

“You’re Too Sensitive”

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When a narcissist tells you that you’re too sensitive, it undermines your legitimate feelings. This tactic is used to make you question your own emotions, making it easier for them to manipulate you. The act of calling you sensitive minimizes their hurtful actions and avoids taking responsibility.

“You’re Imagining Things”

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To be accusing someone of imagining things is a classic form of gaslighting. It creates doubt in your mind about the reality of your experiences. When you hear this phrase, it can make you question your memory and perceptions, giving the narcissist more power over you.

“I Never Said That”

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Many narcissists will find themselves denying previous statements in another classic gaslighting technique. When confronted, they may claim they never said something, making you question your own memory. This tactic keeps you off balance and confused, making it easier for them to control the narrative.

“You’re Crazy”

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A very severe form of manipulation is to flat-out call somebody crazy. As a statement, it aims to make you doubt your sanity and reality. So when a narcissist calls you crazy, it discredits your perspective and feelings, ensuring they maintain the upper hand in the relationship.

“Everyone Else Agrees With Me”

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Narcissists often use this phrase to create a false consensus. By suggesting that others share their opinion, they isolate you and pressure you to conform. The tactic here is meant to make you feel alone in your perspective, weakening your resolve and increasing their control.

“You’re Being Paranoid”

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It’s pretty horrible to accuse someone of paranoia, but it is another way narcissists undermine your confidence. The phrase is intended to make you doubt your intuition and instincts. By making you feel paranoid, they divert attention from their manipulative behavior and keep you second-guessing yourself.

“You’re Lucky to Have Me”

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This phrase is used to make you feel indebted to the narcissist. By telling you that you’re lucky to have them, they elevate their status while diminishing your self-worth. Using this phrase creates a sense of dependency and makes it harder for you to leave the relationship.

“I Was Just Joking”

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Hurtful comments being dismissed as jokes is a way for narcissists to avoid accountability. It very much invalidates your feelings and makes you question whether you have a right to be upset. It’s a tactic to deflect criticism and maintain control over your emotions.

“You’re So Insecure”

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Narcissists use this phrase to attack your self-esteem. By calling you insecure, they shift the focus from their actions to your supposed flaws. The intention here is to make you doubt yourself and feel inferior, ensuring they remain in a position of power.

“Nobody Else Would Put Up With You”

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When narcissists tell you that no one else would put up with you, it’s meant to make you feel unlovable and undeserving of better treatment. In suggesting that no one else would tolerate you, narcissists aim to make you feel trapped and dependent on them. It’s a common method to keep you from seeking healthier relationships.

“You’re Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing”

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Your concerns should be validated, and the act of minimizing them is a common manipulation tactic. When a narcissist does this, they are trying to make you feel that your feelings and issues are insignificant. As such, it diminishes your sense of self-worth and reinforces their dominance in the relationship.

“You’re Always So Negative”

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Accusing you of negativity is a way to dismiss your valid concerns. This phrase is used to shift the blame onto you, making you feel responsible for any issues. The act of labeling you as negative means that they avoid addressing their own behavior and keep you on the defensive.

“I Can’t Believe You’re Bringing This Up Again”

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This phrase is meant to make you feel guilty for revisiting unresolved issues. The expression of disbelief means that the narcissist is suggesting that you’re unreasonable for wanting to discuss past problems. It’s a way to shut down conversations and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

“You’re Too Emotional”

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A narcissist calling you too emotional is a tactic to undermine your feelings and reactions, as it implies that your emotions are the problem. By doing this, they avoid addressing the behavior that caused them in the first place. It serves to make you doubt the legitimacy of your feelings and maintain their control.

“You’re Always Trying to Start a Fight”

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Narcissists use this phrase to turn the tables and make you seem like the aggressor. By accusing you of trying to start a fight, they deflect from their own antagonistic behavior. The tactic is supposed to make you feel guilty and question your motives.

“You’re So Dramatic”

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No one wants to be labeled as dramatic. When you are, it’s just another way to dismiss your feelings and concerns – it suggests that your reactions are exaggerated and unjustified. Being called dramatic is a strategy to make you question the validity of your emotions, keeping you under the narcissist’s control.

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