Wishing people a good morning, holding the elevator, and respecting personal space are all clear examples of good manners. However, there are many other things we do to be polite that are actually very rude. If you want to avoid offending people, here are a few of these seemingly “polite” behaviors to quit now.
Tidying Their Homes
It’s plain good manners not to make a mess in someone else’s home, but tidying their things because you think they’re messy crosses a line. Most people will be offended that you don’t think their homes are clean or tidy enough, and they might even feel violated by having their personal items moved.
Arriving Early to a Party
It’s very rude to show up late to a party, but showing up early isn’t as polite as you may think. Southern Living warns that arriving even 15 minutes early puts pressure on the host when they might be doing some last-minute cooking or cleaning, so it’s safer to stick to the arranged time.
Unrequested Help
Helping others is a selfless act, but only when they ask you to. Older people and people with disabilities regularly find themselves at the mercy of unrequested help, which can be incredibly offensive and infantilizing. If somebody is struggling and wants your help, they’ll ask for it.
Commenting on Weight Loss
Losing weight is a fantastic health achievement, but it’s not something you should comment on unless the other person brings it up first. As a general rule, commenting on people’s bodies is a no-no, which includes their weight. They may be offended if you publicly draw attention to it or act shocked.
Apologizing Too Much
Nobody is above apologizing, but it’s polite to know when to stop. If you make a mistake, apologize, and then let it go if the other person accepts your apology. Saying sorry too much will make them feel guilty and uncomfortable. It also becomes irritating, which is impolite.
Never Making Choices
It shows good manners to let other people choose what movie you go to see, what restaurant you dine at, or what time you meet, but don’t force them to make every choice. It pressures them to decide for you both, and they might resent having to take responsibility all the time.
Holding the Door For Too Long
We all know it’s proper etiquette to hold the door for people behind you, but how long do you hold it until it becomes impolite? According to the Massachusetts Daily Collegian, if you hear their footsteps, hold the door; if not, you’ll make them feel pressured to run, which they won’t appreciate.
Arguing Over Who Pays
We’ve all found ourselves arguing over who picks up the check in a restaurant, but this becomes annoying if you do it too often. If someone offers to pay for dinner, ask if they’re sure, then thank them and offer to pay next time. Arguing with their offer will only offend them.
Calling People ‘Lucky’
Luck is a great thing to have on your side, but calling people lucky can actually be offensive. For example, if someone gets a promotion at work, praise their hard work and achievement instead of implying they only got it due to luck. This is far more polite and shows your admiration.
Stacking Dishes For Servers
Servers have a particular way of stacking dishes to make them easier to carry, so it’s best not to interfere. Stacking the dishes yourself seems polite, but it often makes the server’s job harder. Unless you do it correctly, with the cutlery and food on top, it’s more polite to let servers do it themselves.
Being Too Complimentary
It’s polite to compliment people on things like their homes, jobs, and families, but most people will feel uncomfortable if you always shower them with compliments. They might think you’re obsessing over their life or watching their every move. If you cross any boundaries, you could even offend them.
Asking When They’re Having Children
Asking someone when they’re having children sounds like a sincere attempt to show interest, but it’s nosy and rude. HuffPost warns against this behavior because someone might not want children, be unable to conceive, or be going through a rough patch in their marriage. Whatever the reason, you’ll offend them.
Telling Relatable Stories
When someone is sharing something personal, the best thing to do is stay quiet and listen. It’s tempting to tell a relatable story to comfort them, but it might look like you’re trying to one-up them or steal the spotlight. You can avoid this faux pas by reading the room before you speak.
Not Moving When You Have Right of Way
Drivers are notorious for being angry and impatient, but being too polite isn’t the best response. Not moving when you have the right of way will annoy other drivers and make them feel pressured to break the rules of the road. Sticking to the status quo is the least offensive thing to do.
Physical Greetings
For a long time, it was considered proper etiquette to greet men with a handshake and women with a kiss on the cheek, but times have changed. It’s fine to share physical greetings with people you’re very close to, but don’t touch people you don’t know well. A smile and verbal greeting will suffice.
Ordering For People in Restaurants
It might seem sweet to order for your partner or friend in a restaurant to show how well you know them, but it’s actually very rude. You shouldn’t assume you know what they want all the time, and you might make them feel ashamed of what they want to order instead.
Unsolicited Advice
As a general rule, unless something has been requested, don’t share it. This applies to unsolicited advice most of all. According to Psych Central, giving unsolicited advice is disrespectful and presumptive, and it gives you an unattractive superiority complex. It’s far more polite to keep unsolicited advice to yourself.
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