Although these phrases might seem uplifting at first, they can have negative origins, disrespect personal limits, and ignore others’ experiences. These 17 seemingly positive things people say are actually toxic and you may want to reconsider using them.
I’m just being honest
We all prefer honesty so it should be a positive thing when people are saying the truth. But using honesty as an excuse to be overly critical or hurtful is pretty toxic. There’s a fine line between honesty and being hurtful, so it is important to understand when you’re crossing the line.
I don’t see color
Stating that you don’t see color may seem like a good thing as everyone should be equal. However, it actually invalidates someone’s experiences of racism or discrimination by claiming there’s no difference between ethnicities. Forbes says there are numerous issues with this saying and black people will never take it positively.
You’re so lucky
Lucky girl syndrome is having a moment but often ‘luck’ is the result of hustling rather than coincidence. Minimizing someone’s achievements or hard work by attributing success solely to luck is extremely toxic. It downplays a situation and makes others feel insecure or undervalued.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
The phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is meant to motivate someone to push through tough times. However, it can downplay the real impact of an experience by suggesting things could be worse. This overlooks the importance of processing emotions and oversimplifies complex situations.
You’re so brave for sharing
There is definitely courage in vulnerability, however, this statement doesn’t come across well. It praises vulnerability while reinforcing the idea that sharing emotions is a weakness. Life is about human connection and the world needs more vulnerability but this saying often makes people feel insecure.
It’s all in God’s plan
A way for religious people to navigate the complexities of life is to attribute it all to God. However, this statement of toxic positivity implies a lack of autonomy over your own life. It tells you just to go with the flow and take on what life throws at you while diminishing your feelings and experience.
As long as everyone is healthy
Health is the number one priority but this saying implies it is the only priority. It minimizes feelings, emotions, and experiences, suggesting they are all irrelevant as health is all that matters. This phrase overlooks the point and complexity of the situation.
Everything happens for a reason
One of the most common sayings when something bad happens is ‘everything happens for a reason’ and according to Psychology Today, it was first said by Aristotle. Although it may be said with the intention of hope, it dismisses someone’s pain or suffering by suggesting it is part of a predetermined plan or fate.
You’re too good for them
With friends going through a breakup, many people often automatically use this quote to boost self-confidence. While it may seem like a positive thing, implying superiority actually undermines the value of the relationship. It also does very little to reduce the feelings of the person experiencing pain.
Just think positive
We could all do with thinking a little more positively but this quote is toxic because it is often used in a difficult time. Oversimplifying complex issues or struggles by saying it is just a matter of thinking positively ignores the validity of negative emotions.
You’re so young
When we’re old, we would do anything to be young again but when we’re young, we just want to be older. While youth may seem like a positive thing, this statement often dismisses someone’s perspective or opinions based on age. It makes people feel insecure and childlike.
Good vibes only
‘Good vibes only’ has become a viral saying to spread positivity. However, there is room for all emotions and this saying implies that other feelings and attitudes aren’t valid, relevant, or welcomed. Verywell Mind argues that it is a part of toxic positivity and denies people the support they may need.
Smile
Smiling is a good thing but when someone tells you to smile, it highlights an issue. Nobody’s natural expression is smiling and just because we’re not smiling, doesn’t mean we’re miserable. When someone tells you to smile, it makes you feel insecure about your expression.
Happiness is a choice
There are a lot of elements to happiness but implying that it is a choice invalidates raw feelings and emotions. It implies that someone can simply turn their situation around by choosing happiness when usually, it is a lot more nuanced than that. It makes people feel that their unhappiness is their own fault.
It’s going to be ok
This saying is very common, especially to cheer someone up. However, in the moment, it can devalue their feelings at a time when it’s not ok. When someone is in the middle of a challenging situation, it can sometimes be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel so this saying can be extremely frustrating to hear.
At least…
Any sentence that starts with ‘at least’ can be deemed as toxic. Looking for the silver lining in a situation should be seen as positive but in many situations, it undermines someone’s experience or feelings. Metro says that this attempt to put a positive spin on a negative situation is part of toxic positivity.
Never give up
While the intention behind the saying is positive, it oversimplifies a situation. It is important to work hard but it’s also crucial to know when to quit. This saying makes people feel like a failure if they want to give up when sometimes, it is healthier to let go and move on to something else.
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