First dates are nerve-wracking, but they also offer a chance to make a great first impression and get to know someone new. The questions you ask can either lead to a fun and engaging conversation or make things awkward. Here are the 20 questions you should never ask, and some suggestions of what to say instead.
What’s Your Salary?
Money is a sensitive topic, and it’s best to avoid it until you know each other better. And it’s not just about salary, as “the idea of who should pick up the bill on the first date is fraught with questions”, too, says CNBC. Asking about salary on a first date can come across as intrusive and materialistic.
What Do You Enjoy Most About Your Job?
If you want to talk about careers, ask them about their job itself rather than what it pays. This question is a great way to learn about your date’s career without delving into personal finances, and it allows them to share their passions and what they find fulfilling about their work.
Why Are You Still Single?
Asking a date why they’re still single can feel like an accusation and put them on the defensive. It implies there’s something wrong with being single and can make your date uncomfortable or self-conscious—not to mention it comes across as a little judgemental.
What Are You Looking Forward to This Year?
For a light-hearted and future-focused, ask them what they’re looking forward to; this gives your date the opportunity to share their goals, plans, and what excites them about the future, setting a positive tone for your conversation—and lets you learn more about them, too.
How Many People Have You Dated?
Bringing up past relationships can be too personal and intrusive on a first date. It can also lead to unnecessary comparisons and awkwardness. Asking about the number of past relationships can make your date feel like they’re being scrutinized for their romantic history.
What Do You Like to Do for Fun?
Discover your date’s hobbies and interests by asking them what they like to do for fun instead. By focusing on what they enjoy doing in their free time, you’re opening the door to discussions about activities and interests that can be both revealing and enjoyable, which is a great way to build rapport.
Do You Want Kids?
Discussing children can be heavy for a first date and might scare your date away if they’re not ready for such a serious topic. It’s a question that involves long-term planning and personal beliefs, which might be too much to handle on an initial meeting. Bringing up the topic of children too soon can also create pressure.
What’s Something New You’ve Tried Recently?
Steer the conversation away from family plans by keeping the conversation light and adventurous when asking what’s something new they’ve tried. It can lead to interesting stories—as well as helping you learn more about your date’s willingness to try new things.
What Are Your Political Views?
Politics can be a divisive topic, especially during your first romantic meetup, so you’ll want to avoid this until you know each other better and have established a level of comfort. Discussing political views can lead to heated debates and disagreements, which are not ideal.
What’s the Best Book You’ve Read Recently?
A way to keep the conversation neutral instead of talking about politics can be to ask about their reading interests and a good book they’d recommend. By asking about their favorite book, you’re encouraging them to share their literary preferences and possibly introduce you to new authors or genres—or, simply let you know that they’re not a big reader.
How Much Do You Weigh?
It goes without saying that you shouldn’t ask your date how much they weigh; this question is not only inappropriate but can be incredibly offensive. It’s important to avoid making your date feel self-conscious about their appearance, especially during a nerve-wracking time.
What Kind of Sports or Physical Activities Do You Enjoy?
Showing an interest in their lifestyle and hobbies without making them feel uncomfortable or judged if great for an initial meeting. By inquiring over their favorite sports or physical activities, you’re encouraging them to share what they enjoy doing to stay active and healthy.
What’s Your Biggest Regret?
You should talk about regrets as a couple, but maybe save it for when you know each other better as talking about regrets can bring up painful memories and isn’t suitable for a first date. It can make the conversation heavy and emotional too soon, which is not ideal for those first impressions.
What’s Something You’re Really Proud Of?
Instead of focusing on heavy regrets, focus instead on the positives of what they might be proud of. Ask them what’s something they’re proud to have achieved, as this lets your date share positive achievements and can make the conversation uplifting.
Do You Live Alone?
You shouldn’t be prying into living arrangements on a first date, as this can feel invasive and might make your date uncomfortable about their personal security or privacy. It’s a question that delves into their private life and can create discomfort, especially if they’re not ready to share such details.
What Do You Love Most About Where You Live?
Your date likely won’t mind if you question them about the area they live and what they enjoy about it, rather than asking for details on their home itself. This question is more open-ended and gives your date the chance to share something about their living situation without feeling pressured.
Do You Drink or Smoke?
While these habits can be important to know eventually, they’re better left for later conversations when you’ve established a comfort level with each other. Asking about drinking or smoking habits can make your date feel judged or uncomfortable, as it delves into their personal lifestyle choices.
What’s Your Favorite Restaurant or Cuisine?
Move away from the questions about personal bad habits by instead getting to talking about restaurants and cuisine. This can reveal a lot about their tastes and preferences without being intrusive—and bonus points if it helps you both decide what to eat during your date at a restaurant.
What’s Your Religion?
Religion can be a very personal topic and might be too intense for a first date, though it is important to make sure you’re compatible in that way in the long run. Religion is a deeply personal belief system, and bringing it up too soon can create tension.
Do You Have Any Favorite Holiday Traditions?
You can instead have a fun and informative discussion about celebrations and traditions without delving into potentially sensitive religious beliefs. By focusing on holiday traditions, you’re encouraging your date to share enjoyable and meaningful experiences from their life, and they may choose to mention religious holidays if they want to.
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