Confidence can be hard to build, and our early experiences shape us and can affect how much of it we have in adulthood. If you’re struggling with confidence today, here are some things from your childhood that might be the reasons for this.
Critical Parenting
Everyone takes on the parental role differently, but one thing remains consistent: parents are meant to support you through life. Unfortunately, many children grow up with critical parents, and this constant criticism or unrealistic expectations from caregivers dramatically impacts self-esteem.
Being Compared To Siblings
All parents say that they don’t have a favorite child, but there is always a subconscious comparison. Being viewed unfavorably compared to siblings can create feelings of inadequacy. The National Institutes of Health found that when parents compare siblings, the child seen less favorably shows less confidence and more challenging behaviors.
Bullying at School
Children can be extremely cruel, and bullying is a huge issue on the playground. Negative experiences with peers can damage self-image and confidence. This impact at an early age becomes a part of who we are, and a lack of confidence is carried into adulthood rather than left behind at the school gates.
Past Failures
Previous setbacks or failures can create self-doubt and reduce confidence in future activities. Whether these failures were recent or stemming back to childhood, they all stay with you and influence your opinion of yourself. It is hard to develop confidence when past setbacks consume you.
A Fear of Rejection
When you fear rejection, it is hard to have the confidence to show up as your most authentic self, as you’re worried people won’t accept who you are. Fearing rejection prevents you from taking risks or asserting yourself. Instead, you find it easier to fade into the background and don’t have the confidence to stand out.
Childhood Trauma
We’re not born with confidence; it‘s a trait that gradually develops with time, meaning that our childhood years are the foundation of it. Yet, many people experience childhood trauma or abuse that can profoundly impact self-worth and confidence. Psych Central says that childhood trauma can result in a distorted perception of ourselves.
A Lack of Positive Role Models
All children need positive role models in their lives to learn, grow, and feel supported. An absence of supportive role models can affect confidence development. When no one celebrates your achievements or helps motivate you, it’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough, and this usually stems from childhood.
Overprotective Parenting
Overprotective parents can hold their children back by being too controlling, which stops them from becoming independent and confident. When children feel mistrusted, it can lead to confidence problems as they grow up.
Inconsistent Parenting
Inconsistent discipline or parenting styles can lead to confusion and insecurity. Never knowing how a parent is going to show up for you has a big impact on your feelings of self-worth as a child. In later years, this can show up as a lack of confidence.
Lack of Encouragement
Other people help build our confidence in many ways. When we are encouraged as children, we feel confident in our own abilities and comfortable pursuing things. A lack of praise or encouragement for achievements can make us doubt our abilities.
Striving for Perfectionism
There is arguably no such thing as perfect, so striving for perfection will always lead to feelings of failure. Not being happy with something until you feel it is absolutely perfect is a sign of lacking confidence. Harvard states that many children become perfectionists to please their parents.
Academic or Athletic Challenges
School years come with a lot of pressure to excel, whether academically or at sports. Difficulty in school or sports can dent self-esteem, especially when we feel judged by our peers. Children also have pressure to impress parents and teachers, so when they don’t get the grades or achievements they hoped for, it really impacts self-confidence.
Social Anxiety
A lot of people have social anxiety and are nervous about spending time with others. Fear of social judgment or rejection can undermine confidence in social situations while also feeding into other areas of life. This social anxiety often comes from rejection in social settings as children or teenagers.
Body Image Issues
Your confidence is largely based on how you feel about yourself, and body image is one thing that can dramatically reduce your confidence levels. Negative body image impacts your overall self-worth, and social conditioning has a big role to play. According to Mentally Healthy Schools, attitudes about body shape develop as early as the age of three or four.
Cultural or Gender Expectations
If your identity or life path doesn’t conform to societal norms and expectations, you can often lack confidence. Your core beliefs are shaped as a child, and when you don’t align with what your community or peers expect, you can lose trust in your abilities and worth.
Setting Yourself Unrealistic Standards
We often hold ourselves in such a high regard that when we fail to meet the high standards we have set for ourselves, we lose confidence in our abilities. Setting overly high standards for yourself can lead to feelings of inadequacy. However, this personality trait stems from childhood, and it can be difficult to break the cycle.
A Lack of Community
In your earliest years, your family, especially your parents, are the primary influences in your life. As you grow older, attend school, and develop your own hobbies, your circle of influence expands. At some point, your primary influences are outside of the family, and a lack of support from friends or your community can hinder confidence development.
Negative Self-Talk
It’s commonly said that you are your biggest critic, and this negative self-talk does nothing to improve your confidence. Internalizing negative beliefs or thoughts about yourself can undermine confidence over time. If your self-perception is always negative, you won’t have the confidence to show up as yourself.
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