We all think romantic relationships are tricky to navigate, but sometimes, friendships can be just as difficult. It can be hard to know whether someone is genuine, but here are 17 red flags that you might be dealing with a fake friend.
A Lack Of Reliability
We all understand that life gets in the way but when a ‘friend’ is constantly flakey, usually they don’t value the friendship. You need to know that you can rely on your friends, so if they frequently cancel plans or don’t follow through on commitments, they’re unlikely to be genuine.
Jealousy And Competition
A friend should always be happy and supportive of your success, so if they seem envious or constantly try to one-up you, they’re not a true friend. There’s a difference between jealousy and envy. While jealousy can be extremely toxic, Harvard Business Review says that envy makes us human.
One-sided Friendship
Unfortunately, one-sided friendships are very common. If the friendship feels imbalanced, with you doing most of the giving and receiving little in return, you’re probably in a one-sided friendship. A friendship needs to be reciprocal, and if it’s not, they may be using you for their own personal gain.
Inconsistency
Your friends need to be steady and consistent so that you can trust they are always there for you. If their behavior or attitude towards you changes depending on who they’re with or what they want, it is a huge sign that this is a fake friend. Just as you would treat inconsistency as a red flag in a relationship, you should treat it the same in a friendship.
Gossiping and Backstabbing
We’re all guilty of entertaining gossip from time to time, but when your friend talks negatively about you behind your back, they are betraying your trust. Communication is key in a friendship and if there is an issue, they should talk about it with you directly rather than backstabbing you.
Manipulative Behavior
You should never feel manipulated in a friendship; manipulative behavior is a huge red flag. If your ‘friend’ uses guilt trips, emotional manipulation, or deceit to get what they want, you should be cautious. Manipulation is a big trait of narcissism, and you want to be careful about this relationship.
Lack of Empathy
For a friendship to be healthy, empathy needs to be a factor. When a ‘friend’ dismisses or invalidates your feelings, it shows little concern for your well-being. A true friend will always validate your emotions and experiences. They will always see things from your perspective, even if their own is different.
Constant Negativity
When a friend constantly tries to bring you down with pessimism, complaints, and drama, it should ring alarm bells. Friendships should lift you up, not drag you down, so if a friendship features constant negativity, it can be draining and even damaging to your life.
No Respect For Boundaries
True friends will always respect your boundaries, so if someone disregards your boundaries, they are most likely to be fake friends. Regardless of whether it’s personal space, privacy, or values, fake friends don’t respect boundaries and act purely for their own benefit with little consideration for you.
Conditional Support
In a genuine friendship, support is unconditional. Regardless of the situation and whether they agree with it, a true friend will always show up for you, not just when it is convenient or beneficial for them. Verywell Mind says if their friendship is contingent on what they can gain from you, then it isn’t authentic.
Exploitative Tendencies
If they take advantage of your kindness, resources, or connections without reciprocating, it’s a red flag. These exploitative tendencies are only used by fake friends and are a sign that they are using you. It can be disheartening to discover someone is using you, but you need to be aware of it.
Not Keeping Your Secrets
Friendships are essential to our lives as they are the people we can confide in. We are vulnerable with our friends and trust that they are not going to share what we tell them. If they can’t be trusted to keep confidential information to themselves, they’re not a good friend.
Lack of Accountability
Friendships are not without conflict, and people make mistakes. What’s important is how this is dealt with. Conflicts can be resolved and friendships maintained, but only if accountability is taken. When someone is a fake friend, they never take responsibility for their actions or apologize sincerely.
Not Interested in Your Success or Well-being
A fake friend may show little enthusiasm or support for your achievements, milestones, or struggles. If they seem indifferent or dismissive when you share important news or accomplishments, it’s sadly because they just don’t care enough. NBC News says that this is a sign to break up with that friend.
They Are Self-Centered
It can be very difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who is self-centered. They often exclusively talk about themselves with very little regard for your life and will often try to turn the conversation back to them. Self-centered people often don’t care about your experiences or opinions, making the friendship disingenuous.
They Try to Sabotage Your Relationships
A true friend will respect that you have other friendships and relationships in your life. They will want to get to know the people who are important to you, but a fake friend will undermine your other friendships or relationships. This is a jealous streak that is highly toxic in friendships.
You’re Feeling Drained or Unhappy Around Them
Psychology Today says that our intuition helps us process the outside world quickly. Usually, when you are dealing with a fake friend, you will have a gut instinct and will often feel drained, stressed, or unhappy after spending time with them. Genuine friendships will leave you uplifted and supported.
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