Are you starting to wonder if your sibling’s annoying behavior is more than just normal sibling rivalry? If you’re questioning how healthy your relationship is, it’s possible you’re onto something. Here are 20 signs that suggest your sibling is actually showing toxic traits.
They Criticize You – A Lot
Ok, so it’s not uncommon for siblings to criticize each other from time to time – a little bit of inter-sibling criticism is considered par for the course. However, according to Psychology Today, it starts getting destructive when the criticism is “about personality or character, rather than behavior”, so watch out for this.
They Are Jealous
If you get a promotion at work or save up to buy a new car, is your sibling patting you on the back and cheering your corner? Or are they noticeably angry, perhaps even trying to steal your spotlight? The latter sounds like a toxic person because, no – that isn’t normal behavior.
They Lack Empathy Toward You
Siblings are supposed to care about each other. In fact, your siblings should often be your closest allies. Take note of whether your sibling seems to actually care about your feelings; if they act indifferent or say your problems are trivial, this is a clear lack of empathy.
They Are Manipulative
Manipulation is textbook behavior for a toxic person. If your sibling tries to guilt trip you or uses emotional blackmail as a form of control, this is red-flag territory. You might notice that they also lie and twist facts in order to look better in family discussions.
They Are Overly Competitive
Now, we’re not saying that any form of competition between siblings is immediately toxic – Harvard Health says that a little sibling rivalry is totally normal! But, if you notice that your sibling goes above and beyond to outdo you and turns every little thing into a competition… that’s starting to sound a little suspect.
They Ignore Your Boundaries
Growing up, it probably wasn’t uncommon for you and your sibling to cross boundaries occasionally – things like a Walkman going missing from your room were probably totally normal. However, as adults, if your sibling still disregards your boundaries, ignores requests for space, and often oversteps – that’s not cool.
They’re Always Lying
Have you noticed a pattern where your sibling is always lying? These might be big lies, or they might just be small things – like what time they arrived home. Regardless of the size of the lie, this habit is not a sign of a healthy emotional state.
They Shift Blame
Growing up, you might have occasionally been blamed for something your sibling did – that’s pretty normal. However, if your sibling still never accepts responsibility for their actions or passes the buck onto you to avoid being reprimanded, that’s a sign that something deeper is going on.
They Use Emotional Blackmail
No one should have to put up with emotional blackmail, so if your sibling is using this manipulative tactic against you, it’s time to start thinking about distancing yourself. Don’t let your sibling make you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault – it’s a way for them to gain control.
They Never Pay You Back
How many times have you heard the phrase “Can I have 10 bucks?” in the last few months? If your sibling is always dropping by to borrow money and never paying you back, you might need to rethink how generous you are.
They Control Your Communication
If your toxic sibling has done something wrong and doesn’t want your parents to find out – even when you’re adults – they might try to control your communication. You may still hear sentences like “Don’t tell mom.”, and they might get suspicious when you talk to members of your family.
They Are Aggressive
The University of New Hampshire considers sibling aggression to include “bullying, hitting, and theft.” Using verbal or physical aggression is absolutely toxic behavior, and it’s not something that you need to put up with – even from your sibling. Put clear boundaries between yourself and aggressive family members – your safety comes first.
They Don’t Appreciate You
You might find that you’re always doing favors for your siblings or going out of your way for them, but they never seem to acknowledge your efforts. A sibling who never acts grateful is showing that they don’t appreciate you. This negative trait isn’t just toxic; it could even be a sign of narcissism.
They Are Emotionally Unstable
Extreme mood swings and intense emotional outbursts are quite common in toxic people, so keep watch for whether your sibling uses these to create family drama. It can be exhausting to never know which person you’re going to get, which is why it’s important to create distance if your sibling really is toxic.
They Badmouth Your Family
Having a little gossip about family members is pretty normal between siblings—you’ve got to vent sometimes! However, if you’re finding that your sibling is saying some pretty nasty things about members of your family time and again, they’re demonstrating a lack of sincerity and trustworthiness. This sounds pretty toxic to us!
They Exclude You
Feeling left out is the worst; the APA states that “the pain of being excluded is not so different from the pain of physical injury” – wow! If your sibling frequently excludes you, and it’s clear they’re doing it on purpose, this doesn’t look good – it shows they don’t care if they hurt you.
There’s Always a Power Struggle
If your sibling is forever bringing up arguments about who’s in charge – whether you’re driving on a road trip or making dinner at home – this might be because they’re trying to assert their authority. If it always comes back to this, it could be because your sibling is toxic.
They Hate Being Criticized
Sure, none of us enjoy being criticized, but if your sibling reacts particularly aggressively to any feedback about their behavior, this could be a warning sign. Not all critique is a personal attack, and if they always receive it that way, they may not know how to communicate in a healthy way.
They Thrive on Chaos
Keep an eye on your sibling to see if they deliberately create conflict to attract attention or sympathy. Even if they don’t benefit from the argument at all, there is a chance they might create difficult situations just because they enjoy the drama. It goes without saying – this is pretty toxic behavior.
They Lack Long-Term, Stable Relationships
Not being able to hold a long-term, stable relationship can sometimes point to someone being toxic. This isn’t always the case – they might just be unlucky in love – but it certainly seems suspicious if the people who get closest to them often choose to leave.
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