Parental abuse manifests into different traits during adulthood, and sadly, these traits are almost always negative. We’ve compiled 19 of the most common signs that tell you someone was a victim of this during childhood.
Hypervigilance
People who had abusive parents are always on alert for signs of danger around them or signs of displeasure from people they interact with. They’re never comfortable settling down in social settings, and they have exaggerated anxiety about possible threats of conflict.
Sleep Disturbances
We learn from Oxford University that “early parental emotional abuse was significantly associated with more sleep complaints in old age.” People with abusive parents experience nightmares, insomnia, or disrupted sleep patterns due to anxieties and unresolved trauma. They may also use sleep as an escape or sleep excessively as a sign of depression.
Low Self-Esteem
Especially in cases of verbal and emotional abuse, these people also have a persistent feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy. They have a belief that they aren’t good enough, and you’ll often find them apologizing for the littlest mishap, displaying a lack of confidence in their actions or decisions.
Depression
A study published by the National Library of Medicine reveals that people who have abusive parents are more likely to develop anxiety disorders and depression. And the reason for this is that, due to insecurities, they’re more susceptible to social comparison, focusing on what others have that they don’t.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Since they have been hurt by the very people who were meant to care for them, you also see that people with abusive parents show a reluctance to associate with people. They have fears of betrayal, and they find it difficult to open up about their vulnerabilities or form intimate bonds with people.
Substance Abuse
These people also look to hard drugs to cope with their emotional burden. And the University of Buffalo identifies three groups with even higher risks of substance abuse. These are people whose parents had alcohol problems and experienced marital aggression and people who experienced aggravation from their fathers.
Extreme Sensitivity to Criticism
A trait rooted in constant harsh criticism, victims of parental abuse also react strongly (and negatively) to the barest of criticisms, no matter how constructive they are. They have a tendency to overanalyze words or situations, and they view natural comments as personal attacks.
Emotional Dysregulation
Because they didn’t have a stable environment to learn healthy emotional coping skills, these people also found it difficult to manage their emotions. You see them have mood swings and exaggerated emotional outbursts frequently, without any reasonable cause, and it’s very difficult to calm them down too!
Aggressiveness
You also see these people exhibit aggressive behavior as a defense mechanism in difficult situations. And this aggressiveness can be either passive or aggressive—all pointing to difficulty expressing anger in a healthy way. For instance, you notice passive aggressiveness when someone constantly uses the silent treatment just to avoid direct conflict.
Fear of Abandonment
People with abusive parents exhibit excessively clingy behaviors in both platonic and romantic relationships. Having had to deal with parents who showed inconsistent care or entirely abandoned them, they have a constant worry about being left alone, and they overreact to perceived signs of rejection or abandonment.
Control Issues
By growing up in a chaotic environment, or one where they felt powerless, these people also always want to have complete control over their relationships. They have intense reactions to unexpected events, and they become overly dictatorial when trying to recover control and feel safe.
Perfectionism
People with abusive partners, particularly parents who placed extreme pressure on them to meet certain standards, also lean towards perfectionism. They set unrealistically high standards for themselves, are driven by an obsessive fear of failure, and are never satisfied with their achievements.
Avoidance Behaviors
As a post-traumatic stress response, you’ll also notice that these people avoid situations that could trigger their memories of abuse. They have an emotional detachment from similar painful occurrences, and this may manifest in them giving up on challenging tasks that heighten their stress levels.
Impulsivity
People with abusive parents also have a tendency to make quick, on-the-spot decisions without considering long-term or even short-term consequences. Because of this poor decision-making, you’ll also find them struggling with self-discipline and engaging in risky behaviors, typically as a form of escape or rebellion.
Poor Body Image
They may also have a negative self-perception or dissatisfaction with their physical body features. And this is usually in the case of constant derogatory remarks or excessive focus on body image by verbally abusive parents. They’re more critical of bodily flaws, and they may develop obsessive grooming habits.
Social Withdrawal
Many times, people with abusive parents also feel safer in isolation than within social settings. They withdraw from friends and even activities they like, and they avoid public gatherings as a protective measure to avoid judgment or social situations that mirror their traumatic experiences.
Compulsive Lying
Because they had to frequently resort to lies to avoid excessive punishments, people who had abusive parents also had difficulty being transparent in adulthood. Even in safe situations, they still resort to deceit as long as they perceive that there’s a possibility of conflict arising.
Self-Harm
Research on self-harm by Cornell University reveals that 79% of people who self-harm are victims of childhood abuse, and 80% of these cases of abuse are perpetrated by parents. People with abusive parents sadly physically harm themselves to cope with or distract themselves from their overwhelming negative emotions.
Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors
The childhood trauma associated with abusive parents typically triggers or worsens cases of OCD. Victims of parental abuse may adopt strict routines or rituals or have uncontrollable, recurring thoughts about an issue. This obsessive compulsion comes from a need to maintain control over their environment and trigger factors.
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