When it’s the only thing you know, understanding whether your family has healthy dynamics isn’t an easy thing to do on your own. To help you out, here are 18 signs that the atmosphere in your home is doing more harm than good.
Lack of Communication
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and forming a good line of contact within your household is essential. If serious topics are generally avoided, conflict is never properly resolved, or there are little to no feelings expressed, there is a high probability that the dynamics aren’t as they should be.
Power Imbalance
If the one who wears the trousers is also the only one in charge of making decisions, a power balance is inevitable. Every family member should have a voice when it comes to their choices, whether it be their desired career direction or personal relationships.
Unresolved Conflict
When conflict arises, it is always better to address it than avoid it. When it remains the elephant in the room, the problem will naturally rise to the surface again and again until it is resolved. It won’t simply go away on its own. Better Health Channel states that ‘ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging’.
Blaming
In a household where blame is directed in all directions for various problems, a toxic environment has been unnecessarily created. There may often be a scapegoat figure who acts as the ‘go-to’ for passing blame, while other members attempt to dismiss themselves of responsibility.
Unequal Housework
A family should work together as a well-oiled machine when it comes to household chores, including cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. In situations where it is usually all left to one individual, this person may develop feelings of resentment over time when others aren’t pulling their weight.
Perfectionism
Holding high standards for others is never healthy and does not do wonders for a family dynamic. Every achievement should be highly celebrated, not just those that meet expectations. Otherwise, feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem can materialize when they could very easily be avoided.
Isolation
Controlling behaviors can take many forms, one of which is isolation. When a family member, often younger, is restricted from social activities and seeks sources of support outside of the home, it can lead to an unhealthy dependence on their caregivers.
Enmeshment
Verywell Health defines enmeshment as ‘no emotional independence or separation between the parent and child’. When embedded in a dynamic, there is very little personal privacy, and independence is often discouraged by those in control. This can be stunting for young people growing up in this environment, leading to issues with identity and forming external connections.
Financial Instability
While it can’t always be avoided, financial struggles can often result in a stressful atmosphere, conflict, and the fundamental needs of individuals being moved down the priority list due to a lack of resources. Open communication is required when money is an issue within a family to create a sense of understanding and lessen the impact on emotional well-being.
Favoritism
Favorites should be reserved for things like soccer teams and ice cream flavors, never members of a family. This can mean one member has special treatment and attention bestowed upon them, leaving others overlooked, and they may feel a certain pressure or competition to become favored.
Cultural or Religious Pressure
There is a certain rigidity that comes from asserting cultural or religious beliefs within a household, transforming into a source of conflict and resentment. ‘Young people should choose for themselves whether to adopt religious values’, as the Joseph Rowntree Foundation reports, showing the need for acceptance and two-way communication when individuals need to make decisions on their way of life.
Keeping Secrets
Secret-keeping within or about a family is very common and can be extremely burdensome for all involved. Whether the secrets are minor or significant, it can create a chain reaction where an individual feels that they are forced to keep more and more elements of their life concealed from those around them.
Lack of Boundaries
Nobody should ever feel entitled to anyone else’s time or energy, even when they are part of a close-knit family unit. Feelings of resentment tend to arise when boundaries are consistently blurred within these relationships, particularly in parent-child connections when personal space and privacy are violated.
Unrealistic Expectations
There is a very fine line between encouraging someone to be their best self and pressuring them to meet the expectations that you have set for them. Individuality and personal goals thrive when supported instead of discouraged and criticized. It’s important to remember that everybody has their own timeline and path that cannot be dictated by anyone else.
Parentification
As a child, did you feel as though you had more responsibility than you should have? If so, there’s a chance that you were parentified. Healthline makes the point that when the roles are reversed between child and caregiver, it can hinder their development due to being burdened with adult responsibilities.
Constant Criticism
When voicing criticism, the effects of judgment on a person’s self-esteem should be carefully considered. When comments reach beyond behavior and into character traits, it can feel as though that person is being constantly checked for everything that they say and do. People make mistakes from time to time; it does not define them.
Invalidation of Feelings
Downplaying emotions can be a common occurrence within a poorly maintained family dynamic. Every human being should feel free to express any feeling or concern that they experience, and they should never be invalidated. When freedom of expression is discouraged, members may feel as though they do not have a healthy outlet for their thoughts.
Controlling Behaviors
No matter how much you care for your family when behaviors become forceful and controlling, it is a huge red flag. Installing tracking devices, dictating what someone can and cannot wear, and holding money over someone’s head to get what you want are just a few ways in which control is exerted in an unhealthy way.
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