In an ideal world, we’d all have perfect parents – but sadly, that isn’t reality. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can cause emotional trauma, so understanding their actions is one way to start healing. If your parent did any of these 19 things, they were probably narcissistic.
They Needed Constant Admiration
As VeryWell Mind explains, narcissists “often believe they deserve the attention and accolades they seek”, which is why they can get offended if they don’t feel like they receive a suitable level of attention. Your parent probably insisted on receiving compliments from you and your family members.
They Were Very Critical
It’s really difficult growing up with a narcissistic parent, particularly if they are highly critical of your every move. If you remember being criticized for every little mistake you made and were also blamed for things that weren’t even your fault – this has narcissism written all over it.
They Made Everything About Themselves
Somehow, narcissistic parents manage to make everything revolve around them, regardless of whether it’s your 8th birthday party or your last day of high school. Conversations with them in adulthood will be similar – they probably always center the chat around themselves.
They Demanded Perfection
If you found that, no matter what you did, your parent was always disappointed in you – this is a sign of narcissism. Narcissistic parents are incredibly demanding with their children and apply a lot of pressure on their kids to perform well.
They Manipulated You
There are loads of ways that narcissistic parents can manipulate their children. See if any of these set off alarm bells: they used fear to control your actions; they constantly changed rules to keep you on edge; they made you feel responsible for your happiness.
They Were Unpredictable
Living with an unpredictable parent is so hard; as a child, you would have lived in a home that was filled with tension, never knowing when the next outburst was coming. Popsugar describes how this is referred to as “eggshell parenting”, because you would have felt like you were always walking on eggshells.
They Were Too Competitive
We like to think that our parents will be proud of our successes, but with narcissistic parents, this isn’t always the case. In fact, if your parent came across as envious of your talents or tried to take credit for your achievements, this is a clear sign of narcissism.
They Acted Entitled
Time and time again, we see that narcissistic people act entitled and think they deserve special treatment. Narcissists are often the kind of people who break rules because they ‘don’t apply to them’ or demand special attention in restaurants. Sound familiar at all?
Criticism Made Them Angry
Now, I’m not saying that any of us love receiving criticism, but if your parent was a narcissist, then being criticized probably made them extremely angry. Most people can take a bit of constructive feedback on the chin – but not these guys! They probably never took responsibility for their actions.
Their Love Was Conditional
The New York Times writes that conditional parenting leaves children feeling that they “must earn a parent’s love.” It’s no wonder that this can have lasting effects, with children and adults feeling undeserving of appreciation. Conditional love is a highly narcissistic and controlling trait.
They Were Jealous of Your Friends
Narcissistic parents want to be the center of their children’s lives – forever. This means that they can start getting pretty antsy when friends start coming onto the scene. If you found that your parent tried to stop you from seeing friends or even said nasty things about them, this could point to narcissism.
They Played the Victim
When a narcissist causes a problem or even hurts someone else, they’re not going to take responsibility for it. Instead, they’ll play the victim, look for sympathy, and claim it wasn’t their fault. They’ll also probably blame the other person for making them behave that way too.
They Were Envious of Others
Narcissistic people don’t react well to other people being successful – they’re normally pretty envious of everyone around them. This is because they believe they are more deserving of success than others, which is something to keep in mind if your parent showed a lot of jealousy…!
They Had Double Standards
Did you find yourself having to meet the high standards of your parents whilst realizing that they didn’t seem to follow the same rules? Narcissistic parents are well known for having double standards when it comes to their parenting, creating a confusing environment to grow up in.
They Were Hot and Cold
If you never knew where you stood with your parent because sometimes they were very loving, and other times they were hostile – this might point to narcissism. Narcissistic people can be very hot and cold, creating a whole load of insecurity in their children.
They Lacked Empathy
Narcissistic people often have a lower level of emotional empathy, according to Healthline. If your parent lacked empathy, they wouldn’t have been able to understand your feelings and needs and wouldn’t have cared much about how their actions affected you.
They Gaslighted You
Gaslighting is a horrible form of manipulation where you are made to doubt your reality and memory. If you had a parent who twisted facts so that they didn’t have to take responsibility for their mistakes or insisted you were to blame for something you didn’t do, that’s gaslighting.
They Emotionally Neglected You
Even if your parent was physically present, they could have emotionally neglected you – a telltale sign of narcissistic parenting. Emotional neglect comes in many shapes and sizes, but some examples include parents not being supportive of their children or making their kids feel invisible.
They Used You for Their Benefit
For many narcissistic parents, their children are simply an accessory – an extension of themselves that can be used to gain them more recognition. They’ll take credit for their children’s successes, exploit their talents, and even take advantage of things like their finances.
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