The word ‘narcissist’ gets thrown around a lot, but what does it mean to genuinely be one? We interact with narcissistic people every day without realizing it, often because they’re good at hiding their true selves. However, there are 19 telltale behaviors to look out for when identifying a narcissist.
Guilt-Tripping
People who guilt-trip others do it to manipulate, punish, or upset them. Narcissists regularly exhibit this behavior to absolve themselves of accountability and make others feel bad for them. If they get to be the wronged party, they’re in an excellent position to control how others react to their bad behavior.
Playing the Victim
Narcissists also frequently play the victim to make others feel bad for calling out their actions. Verywell Mind observes that blaming others, having a negative attitude, lashing out, and catastrophizing are all telltale signs of a victim mentality. Someone who regularly does these things is a narcissist.
Triangulation
Triangulation is a manipulation tactic frequently used by narcissists to bring a third party into a disagreement to intimidate the other person. They want reassurance that they’re correct, even if that means spinning a different story to the third person to make you look bad. They may even gaslight you to stay in control.
Seeking Attention
Attention-seekers are annoying, but they may also be hidden narcissists. Though they’re often stereotyped as insecure, narcissists have a lot of pride and want to be admired and respected. They want people to stroke their egos because they’re self-important and willing to behave ruthlessly for the attention they crave.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a normal emotion, but intense jealousy is a telltale sign of narcissism. Narcissists like to be admired, so they hate it when others ‘steal’ the spotlight. Someone who invalidates other people’s success, talks down about them, and is ridiculously critical and spiteful isn’t just jealous; they’re narcissistic.
Fishing For Compliments
Compliments make us feel good, but fishing for them makes a person look full of themselves. Narcissists feed off of other people’s emotions, so they want positive emotions directed at them. They may be insecure and desire affirmation without taking responsibility for their own feelings and behavior.
Crocodile Tears
Narcissists know how to manipulate others into feeling bad for them, so they’re familiar with crocodile tears. According to the National Institutes of Health, narcissistic crying is performative, inauthentic, and exploitative. Narcissists make themselves cry crocodile tears in front of others to get what they want and absolve themselves of any wrongdoing.
Giving the Silent Treatment
People who give the silent treatment seem immature, but it’s actually far more sinister. Some experts classify silent treatment as a form of emotional abuse because it involves punishing and shaming the recipient into doing what the perpetrator wants. Narcissists are known to give the silent treatment to manipulate others.
Keeping Score
When you resolve an argument, letting it go is the mature thing to do. However, someone who continues to keep score is usually a narcissist. Even if the issue is resolved, they keep a mental record of your wrongdoing and hold it over your head in the future. This is calculating and toxic.
Denying Things That Happened
Gaslighting is regularly devalued by people misusing the term, but it’s a dangerous telltale sign of narcissism. It mainly involves denying things that happened when they paint the narcissist in a bad light. They turn the tables on you to make you question what happened and victimize themselves.
One-Sided Criticism
Narcissists are notoriously hypocritical. They’re happy to dish out criticism and make jokes at other people’s expense, but when the same behavior is done to them, they don’t like it. They want to be in control, so they criticize others to maintain an air of superiority while shielding themselves from the same scrutiny.
Projection
Insecurities are difficult to manage, but we must take responsibility for them. If you know someone who struggles with this, they could be a narcissist. Psychology Today reports that people who project their worst traits onto others do it to attack them rather than confront their own behavior, a classic sign of narcissism.
Self-Promotion
Even though they regularly fish for compliments and attention from others, genuine narcissists always crave more. That’s why they shamelessly promote themselves by bragging about their accomplishments and making themselves sound superior to others. They’re often intimidating, dominant personality types who promote themselves at the expense of other people.
Paranoia
When someone is overly paranoid, it’s usually because they know they’ve done something wrong. Narcissists will have that self-awareness but won’t admit they’ve behaved badly. They become extremely paranoid that somebody will call out their behavior, so they do whatever it takes to keep things under wraps.
Non-Apologies
Apologizing is a sign of maturity and respect, but it’s something narcissists struggle to do. Saying ‘sorry’ means admitting fault, so they instead deflect or offer a non-apology, which sounds like a genuine apology but offers no acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Narcissists essentially say, ‘Sorry you feel that way’, to make you sound irrational.
Temper Tantrums
It’s childish to throw temper tantrums as an adult, but narcissists do it because they know they’ll get their way. Nobody wants to deal with someone throwing a tantrum, so they give in and let them get away with acting up. This allows narcissists to direct attention away from the things they’ve done.
Always Needing to Be Right
We all make mistakes, but only narcissists refuse to admit theirs. They always need to be right, even when everybody else knows they’re wrong, so they refuse to back down. The goal is to mentally exhaust the people they’re arguing with into giving up, which reassures them that they’re right.
One-Upmanship
We all know someone who has to make everything about them. HuffPost calls them ‘one-uppers’: people who brag about their accomplishments or misfortunes to dim your light and brighten their own. This is classic narcissistic attention-seeking and constitutes a mind game. Someone who needs to one-up others loves demoralizing them.
Emotional Distance
Finally, narcissists regularly show a lack of empathy for other people, so emotionally distant behavior is a clear indication of who you’re dealing with. Narcissists are wrapped up in their own issues and have no time for what other people are going through. As a result, they emotionally close themselves off.
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