Children with divorced parents often have specific memories and experiences that shape their perspectives and emotional development. It’s a huge part of their childhood that sticks with them into adulthood, and there are 18 things children with divorced parents never forget.
You’ll never forget the moment you found out
If you were above the age of 5, maybe even younger, the moment you found out your parents were getting divorced will be a core memory. The initial conversation or event that made you aware is often a vivid memory. Most people remember every detail and could accurately recount the experience.
Emotional turmoil sticks with you
Even when a divorce is civil and amicable, it is still an emotional and turbulent time for all involved, even the children. The feelings of confusion, sadness, anger, or even relief during and after the divorce process will be remembered forever. Verywell Family found that depression rates are higher in children from divorced parents as a result.
Splitting time has a huge impact
When you go from having one home to two separate family units, the impact is huge. The logistics and emotional effects of living between two homes and adapting to different environments is a period of adaptation that often comes with stress and sadness.
The conflict between parents will be remembered
Even when parents do their best to keep their kids out of the issues, it’s still common for tensions to bubble over and children to bear witness. Arguments and disagreements between parents before, during, or after the divorce are extremely common and hard to avoid.
Children have a sense of loss
Every divorce has a grieving process, and children will feel the loss of a unified family unit. It brings changes to their daily life and routines that are often accompanied by great sadness. While they may not lose their parents or even their home, they lose their sense of family and way of life.
The adjustment period is difficult
Adapting to new living arrangements, routines, or even schools and neighborhoods is challenging for children. Initially, it is hard to accept, and there is a period of adjustment involved. According to the Association of Child Psychotherapists, children have a very hard time coming to terms with divorce.
You never forget new relationships after divorce
Each family handles new relationships post-divorce differently. However, the introduction of new partners or stepfamilies and the dynamics that come with them are never forgotten. It’s another period of adjustment that typically comes with mixed emotions. It is a tricky situation to navigate and must be managed carefully.
Financial changes also affect children
While you may think children are unaware of financial matters, they’re more clued on than you think. The impact of financial strain or changes in lifestyle due to divorce is evident in children. They notice little things like cutting costs and the need for their parents to seek new sources of income.
Feelings of guilt always stay with you
Although divorce has nothing to do with the children, when you’re a child, and your parents are getting divorced, it is hard to understand this. It is a common mistaken belief that you might be responsible for the divorce, and those feelings of guilt never truly go away.
Children will remember who was there for them
The absence or reduced presence of one parent affects their sense of security and support. They will always remember who was there for them and who made the effort. While parents think this may go unnoticed when their children are so young, it doesn’t and can have lasting effects.
Holiday changes are a big deal
The holidays we celebrate are full of tradition and routine that’s unique to each family. When that family breaks down, the way holidays, birthdays, and special occasions are celebrated can change. It can be a big shock to the system, not to mention these celebrations now usually lack one parent.
Children of divorced parents will always value their support systems
In the midst of a divorce, it is beneficial for children to receive outside support. When your parents are fighting or hurting, they can’t look at it from the eyes of their children. Therefore, the role of friends, extended family, and counselors helps them cope with the divorce. They will always remember who supported them.
Communication gaps are a big deal
Gaps in communication are common with divorce, and they often impact the child. Instances where parents fail to communicate effectively can lead to misunderstandings, which in some cases affect the kids. For example, not knowing which parent you’ll be staying with that night or not making a friend’s birthday party.
Empathy development is attributed to divorce
Divorce affects children in different ways, but many children of divorced parents experience the development of empathy. When they are living with parents who are hurting, they have a front-row seat to understanding the complex emotions in others. They are witness to parental emotions and can experience growth as a result.
Self-reliance is a common symptom of divorce
A lot of divorces are incredibly sticky situations, and during such emotional turmoil, unfortunately, a lot of children learn to fend for themselves. They experience increased responsibility due to the divorce and will never forget how this sudden independence made them feel.
Kids remember the parental competition
When children are involved in a divorce, there is often a sense of competition between parents. While this can be great at the moment, on reflection, it is a highly toxic environment to grow up in. Psych Central offers a reminder that the child’s well-being is the primary goal.
Children of divorced parents never forget promises and disappointments
In the event of a divorce, parents need to stay consistent with their children. Remembering promises made by parents that were kept or broken is something that will impact your long-term relationship with each parent. Children will always remember when you let them down.
Resilience becomes a part of you
The personal growth, resilience, and coping strategies children develop as a result of navigating their parents’ divorce will never be forgotten. Coping shows great strength, even when things are tough. Psychology Today says that resiliency is a learned skill that divorce often teaches.
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