Although some people are emotionally intelligent by nature, emotional intelligence, or EQ, is a talent that can be acquired with effort and mindfulness. EQ, not IQ, is the best indicator of success, both personally and professionally. Here are 17 things emotionally intelligent people never do.
Avoid difficult conversations
As Billy Ocean sang, when the going gets tough, emotionally intelligent people have difficult conversations (or something along those lines). When it comes time to talk about less enjoyable topics, they won’t tolerate problems being ignored. It’s not about conflict or having arguments. As Hack Spirit explains, “Focus on the issue, not the person”.
They won’t stay around negativity
It’s common for people to want to listen when people are complaining so that we don’t seem uncaring. Negative people love it when others join them in their misery (we have all heard that it loves company). However, those with a high EQ are careful not to cross the line between empathy and encouraging negative self-indulgence.
Compare themselves to others
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, and self-aware people live happy and fulfilled lives. Emotional intelligence makes finding a life that suits us possible because when we are self-aware, we know what we want. People with emotional intelligence know that if they are content, they don’t need to compare themselves to other people.
Dismiss other people’s feelings
Emotionally intelligent people make those around them feel supported and accepted. They listen to others with empathy and make an effort to understand their point of view. Validating other people’s emotions can build trust and deepen relationships. Therefore, those with a high EQ can build genuine relationships, as people feel they can trust them.
React impulsively to stressful situations
An impulsive reaction in a stressful situation can make things worse. An emotionally intelligent person will tend to pause and assess a situation before responding. In a stressful or fraught situation, they can employ effective stress management techniques, such as mindfulness and deep breathing, that will help them make thoughtful decisions.
Be driven by ego
A big ego makes people awfully stubborn, and it gets in the way of relationships, humility, and growth. Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware enough to recognize this and are able to keep their egos in check during conflicts. Bolde notes, “It’s not about being a pushover; it’s about valuing the relationship more than the need to win an argument.”
Engage in gossip or negative talk
Those with a high EQ will understand the impact that words can have on a person. That old saying about sticks and stones is not true for everyone—sometimes, words really can hurt. Emotionally intelligent people also try to avoid the unnecessary drama that can come with gossip, as they realize it can harm relationships.
Hold grudges
As the author of Emotional Intelligence Habits, Dr. Travis Bradberry, states, “Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.” Emotionally intelligent people prioritize forgiveness and moving forward. Letting go of grudges benefits both physical and emotional health and well-being.
Ignore boundaries
People who possess emotional intelligence can communicate clear boundaries for themselves and respect the boundaries that others set down. They will also protect those boundaries and alert others when they are being crossed and even cut off relationships with those who cross their boundaries.
Pass the blame
When a mistake is made, emotionally intelligent people don’t look for someone to blame. If the fault is theirs, they will accept responsibility, but no matter who is at fault, they will look for ways to fix the problem. They don’t want to paint others in a negative light. Working together and finding the solution is what matters.
Dominate conversation
Emotionally intelligent people know how to have a proper conversation, not one where they are doing all the talking. Their discussions include asking questions that allow the other person an opportunity to better express themselves, says CNBC. They also practice active listening, which involves giving others space to express themselves without interruption.
Neglect self-care
Self-care is absolutely essential to maintain one’s mental and emotional health. Those who possess emotional intelligence remember to take care of themselves first, even when they’re busy showing consideration for others. Knowing that you are no good to anyone else if you don’t look after yourself shows a high level of EQ.
Criticize others destructively
Emotionally intelligent people have a preference for giving feedback in a constructive, supportive manner, as negative criticism can be damaging to self-esteem. They will try to focus on encouraging improvement rather than demoralizing others, which can narrow perspectives and make people blind to their own shortcomings
Play the victim
Maintaining emotional stability and overcoming challenges requires a positive outlook on life. Emotionally intelligent people use positivity to uplift and inspire those around them and to take control of their own circumstances rather than seeing themselves as victims of fate. They like to engage in proactive problem-solving instead of complaining.
Ignore others’ needs
Empathy is just one of the emotions that guide the actions of emotionally intelligent people, making them sensitive to the needs of others. Therefore, they cannot ignore other people’s genuine needs. Helping people helps build and maintain strong, supportive relationships with those people.
Jump to conclusions
It’s important to gather all relevant facts before forming any judgment. This prevents people from making negative assumptions and judging people or situations prematurely. Emotionally intelligent people will always keep an open mind to ensure that their assessments are fair, and they never jump to conclusions.
Use manipulative tactics
People with a high EQ like to engage in ethical interactions that are free from manipulation. If they want something, they will ask for it or work for it, not manipulate their way to getting it. They are clear and honest about what they want. Avoiding manipulation builds long-lasting trust and respect in relationships.
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