Most men are kind, but some are toxic, and they’ll often say things that initially seem reasonable but actually have toxic hidden meanings. To make it easier for you to recognize this behavior, we’ve curated the following 19 seemingly innocent things toxic men say, along with their hidden meanings.
You’re overreacting
When a man tells you you’re overreacting, he’s usually trying to minimize your feelings to dodge accountability. CNBC calls this out as a way to make you doubt your gut feelings, making it easier for him to dismiss the issue without actually addressing the problem. Recognizing this can help you stand firm.
I was just joking
When a man says, “I was just joking,” he’s probably trying to backpedal on hurtful comments. By saying his remarks were only a joke, he sidesteps responsibility and blames you for being too sensitive. This makes you feel like you have no reason to take offense, dismissing your feelings.
You’ll never find someone like me
In an attempt to instill self-doubt, some toxic men will state, “You’ll never find someone like me.” It subtly says that you’re incapable of finding anyone better, which lowers your self-esteem and increases your reliance on him. Understanding this can give you the strength to seek healthier relationships.
No one else will love you like I do
Similar to the last phrase, saying “No one else will love you like I do” is said to make you feel special and cherished but, at the same time, unworthy of anyone else’s love and attention. It creates an unhealthy dependence, making you feel grateful for his love and less likely to leave.
I hate drama
Often, people who claim to despise drama are those who actively create it. By stating he hates drama, a toxic male makes himself the rational one, blaming you for any emotional responses or conflicts. This takes the attention away from his unacceptable behavior, which is precisely what he wants.
You’re misunderstanding me
Saying “You’re misunderstanding me” is a classic tactic that toxic men will use to blame women, suggesting that any misunderstanding is due to their flawed point of view. Its purpose is to make you doubt your thoughts and view him as faultless, and it’s a form of ‘mansplaining.’
You’re too sensitive
Any man who claims “You’re too sensitive” is trying to belittle your emotions and make you feel unreasonable for expressing yourself. By calling you too sensitive, he’s dismissing your feelings, taking your voice away. As Psychology Today puts it, “The people who love you will give you room to have your feelings”.
Just let it go
If a man orders you to “just let it go,” they sound pretty toxic. They dismiss your concerns without addressing them, suggesting that your issues are small and not worth discussing. It’s a way for him to avoid accountability and keep you from trying to fix the problems in your relationship.
You know I didn’t mean it
One of the most famous yet toxic excuses in life is, “You know I didn’t mean it.” Often said after hurtful behavior, this phrase is often used by men to clear themselves from blame. It suggests that his intentions, rather than his actions, should be what you pay attention to, which is wrong.
You’re making a big deal out of nothing
Undermining the importance of your concerns by saying, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” is textbook toxic male behavior. He’s trying to brush off your feelings, making him seem like the level-headed party. However, it’s just designed to make you question whether your reactions can be trusted, which is essentially gaslighting.
I’m sorry you feel that way
“I’m sorry you feel that way” is essentially a non-apology, one that toxic men often use. It emphasizes your feelings rather than his actions, implying that the problem lies with your reaction, not with what he did. It avoids proper remorse or the need to change, leaving the issues bubbling under the surface.
You have trust issues
Accusing you of having trust issues is another common way that a toxic man will try to distract you from his unreliable behavior. By making you question yourself, he keeps control and makes you second-guess your instincts, which could otherwise lead you to leave him for someone better.
Why do you make me do this?
Blame is a classic way toxic men attempt to shift responsibility. A prime example is saying, “Why do you make me do this?” suggesting that your behavior has caused him to act poorly. As Women’s Health reminds us, “Being in a healthy relationship means owning your feelings and working through them—not pointing fingers.”
Stop taking everything so seriously
The dismissive statement “Stop taking everything so seriously!” is yet another way toxic men make your feelings seem unimportant. By suggesting that you’re the one with the problem for taking things seriously, he puts the blame on you and avoids sorting out the behavior that caused you to feel that way.
You’re the only one for me
While it may seem romantic, in a toxic context, a man saying, “You’re the only one for me,” is used to exaggerate your place in his life, making you feel totally responsible for his happiness. It can be a seriously heavy burden, leading you to feel trapped in the relationship.
I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d react this way
Justifying dishonesty by saying, “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d react this way,” is a go-to for toxic men. Blaming your reactions is a way for them to avoid open communication, causing you to feel guilty for natural reactions and stopping healthy conversations and trust.
All my exes were crazy
If a man labels all of his ex-partners as crazy, he’s trying to make any issues they had seem trivial. It’s a red flag that suggests he does not take responsibility for past relationship problems. HuffPost also points out that “it probably says more about that person than it does about the ex.”
We’re perfect together
Be wary of a man who claims, “We’re perfect together”; this idealization is often used to cover up real issues in the relationship. By focusing on perfection, he prevents you from addressing the flaws, maintaining a fake front that prevents healthy and normal growth.
I’m the only one who understands you
Finally, a toxic man who claims he’s “the only one who understands you” is just attempting to distance you from other healthy relationships. Unfortunately, even though this can make you feel special, it’s actually designed to isolate you and cut you off from other people’s perspectives and support. Stay away from a man like that!
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