Arguments are pretty natural and can happen anywhere – at home, in the workplace, or even at the grocery store. However, the things you say can make a big difference in how the disagreement ends. Here are 18 things that are best to avoid saying in arguments.
“Whatever”
It’s amazing how much damage one simple word can do, and saying “whatever” in an argument is not going to end well! The Good Men Project shows that “whatever” is used in many ways, including showing a lack of interest, being dismissive, and avoiding decisions.
“You Always…”
In an argument, starting a sentence with “You always…” is a recipe for disaster. All this is going to do is make the other person feel unfairly judged. It’s a super negative way to phrase your point and is unlikely to be well-received.
“You Never…”
The problem with telling someone that they “never” do something is that it’s rarely true. This means you’re immediately going to make the other person feel defensive and resentful by saying something like this. It’s also really unfair because you’re ignoring any time that they did meet your expectations.
“It’s Not a Big Deal”
When you tell someone that something “isn’t a big deal”, you’re not actually acknowledging how the other person feels. It doesn’t matter whether the thing in question is a big deal or a small deal – if someone has expressed that they’re not happy about it, then that’s what needs to be discussed.
“You’re Overreacting”
Telling someone that they’re overreacting is such a red flag – make sure to avoid this one at all costs. When you tell a person that they’re overreacting, that’s actually just your opinion. In all honesty, you’re probably going to escalate the argument by saying this – so it’s better left unsaid!
“Calm Down”
Eek! Telling someone to calm down in an argument is like adding fuel to the fire. With this sentence, you’re on track to escalate the argument into a full-blown war. According to Metro, this is because telling someone to calm down is dismissive and doesn’t validate their feelings.
“Why Can’t You Just Be Happy?”
Unfortunately, it’s not realistic to expect the world to be full of sunshine and rainbows all the time. Whilst everyone wishes they could just be happy, sometimes we need to deal with disagreements. Asking someone who is expressing a genuine concern to “just be happy” is incredibly dismissive.
“I Don’t Care”
If you say that you “don’t care” in an argument, you’re going to make the other person feel like their opinions aren’t important to you. Saying this kind of thing also shuts down the possibility of having any kind of productive discussion, so it’s definitely another one to scrap from your argument script!
“You’re Just Like Your [Parent/Sibling]”
If you’re arguing with a partner or family member, and you compare them to someone who displays troubling behavior, you’ve chosen to get personal. It should go without saying, but don’t use people’s personal history as a weapon – it’s unhelpful, and it’s not your place!
“I Hate You”
Phrases like “I hate you” tend to come out when people have a particularly fiery argument style (and that’s not a good thing!). If you can’t control your emotions in an argument, you’re likely to say things that you can’t take back. These kinds of comments really hurt and often cause long-term damage to relationships.
“That’s Stupid”
This type of insult is best left behind in 3rd grade; it isn’t exactly clever to tell someone that what they’ve said or done is stupid! When you say something like this to another person, they’ll feel incredibly disrespected, and the argument will continue to rage.
“You’re Crazy”
Unsurprisingly, it’s not helpful to call someone “crazy” in an argument. Go figure! In fact, it’s not something you should be saying to anyone, ever. MedicalNewsToday points out that making someone question their own sanity is actually gaslighting. It’s also just extremely unhealthy to bring up another’s mental health during a confrontation.
“If You Really Loved Me, You Would…”
I’m going to say this loudly for the people at the back – don’t use conditions like “If you really loved me…” to try to control your partners! This sort of comment is a sign of guilt-tripping, which Healthline says “prevents healthy communication and conflict resolution.”
“I Don’t Want to Talk About This Anymore”
With this single phrase, you’re communicating several things to the person you’re arguing with – and none of them are good! You’re showing that you can’t be bothered to address the problem, that you’re happy to leave the conflict unresolved, and that you don’t care about the other person’s feelings.
“It’s All Your Fault”
In an argument, it’s very unlikely that one person is 100% to blame for what’s going on, and that’s why saying something like “It’s all your fault” is only going to have a negative effect. This kind of phrase will make the other person go on the defense because you’re completely ignoring your own role in the fight.
“I’m Done”
InStyle writes that threatening to end your relationship by saying things like “I’m done” during an argument counts as emotional abuse. This will create fear and insecurity in your partner and completely ruin the sense of trust in your relationship.
“You’ll Never Change”
Telling someone that they’ll never change is only going to deepen their resentment towards you. In fact, saying this to someone might actually have the opposite of the desired effect – if the person doesn’t believe that their positive efforts have been noticed, they might just stick to their negative behaviors.
“You Made Me Do This”
When you say things like, “You made me do this”, you’re shifting responsibility onto the other person – and that’s never going to end well. Not only does this count as victim blaming, but it’s a reliable way to make the argument escalate big time.
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