Being in a new relationship can be tricky, especially when it comes to communication. Saying the right things can strengthen your bond, while the wrong words might create tension. Here’s a guide to help you know what to avoid and what to embrace with your new partner, with 11 things you should never say (and 10 you should).
You shouldn’t say, “My ex used to…”
Bringing up an ex can make your new partner feel insecure or like they’re being compared. The Washington Post explains, “If you have kids together, you might be co-parenting or at least communicating,” but other than that, you should avoid mentioning them. It’s important to focus on the present and the future with your new partner rather than dragging past relationships into the conversation.
“Why are you still single?”
The question of why they’re still single can come off as judgmental or imply there’s something wrong with them. It’s best to appreciate the person they are and their journey, rather than questioning their relationship status. Everyone has their reasons and timing, and it’s not always straightforward.
“You remind me of my ex.”
Even if meant as a compliment, this can create an awkward atmosphere, as your new partner wants to feel unique and special, not like a replacement for someone else. Focus on what makes them different and special to you, rather than comparing them to someone from your past.
“I love you” too soon.
Rushing into declarations of love can be overwhelming and might scare your new partner off. Building a relationship takes time and mutual understanding, so allow your feelings to develop naturally and make sure both of you are on the same page before expressing such strong emotions. Love is a powerful word, after all.
“How much do you make?”
If you’re asking about salary or finances early on, it can be intrusive and off-putting, not to mention it can make your partner feel like their worth is being judged based on their income. Focus on getting to know each other on a deeper level first, and let financial discussions come up naturally over time.
“Are you really going to eat that?”
Commenting on your partner’s food choices can be offensive and make them feel self-conscious; everyone has different tastes and dietary preferences, so respect their choices and avoid making them feel judged about what they enjoy eating. Food should be a source of joy, not stress, and sharing meals should be an enjoyable experience.
“When are we meeting your family?”
If you’re pressuring your partner to introduce you to their family, it can make them uncomfortable, when these introductions should happen naturally when both of you feel ready. Instead, focus on building your relationship and let them decide the right time for such an important step.
“You look tired.”
While you might be concerned, this comment can be taken as a criticism of their appearance, when it’s much better to ask how they’re feeling or if they need anything. Show your care in a way that doesn’t make them feel self-conscious or defensive about how they look.
“We need to talk.”
This phrase can create immediate anxiety. If you have something important to discuss, try to introduce the topic gently and positively; clear and calm communication is key, but framing it in a less alarming way can help keep the conversation open and constructive.
“I hate your friends.”
Your partner’s friends being criticized can lead to tension and conflict; their friends are likely an important part of their life, and attacking them can feel like a personal attack. Instead, try to understand what your partner values in their friendships and discuss any concerns respectfully.
“You’re overreacting.”
Dismissing your partner’s feelings can make them feel invalidated and unheard, which is why it’s important to listen and understand their perspective, even if you don’t fully agree. Showing empathy and support can strengthen your connection and avoid those pesky misunderstandings.
You should say, “I enjoy spending time with you.”
If you express your enjoyment of their company, it helps build a positive foundation for your relationship. It shows that you value the time you spend together and look forward to creating more memories. This simple affirmation can strengthen your bond and encourage more shared experiences.
“Tell me more about your interests.”
Showing genuine interest in their hobbies and passions can bring you closer together. It demonstrates that you care about what makes them happy and want to understand them better, and this curiosity can lead to deeper conversations and a better connection.
“How can I support you?”
You can show thoughtfulness and consideration by asking how you can be there for them while indicating that you’re willing to put in the effort to make them feel valued and supported. This question can open up discussions about what they need from a partner, too.
“I appreciate you.”
Gratitude goes a long way in building a strong relationship, after all, so acknowledging their efforts and the things they do for you makes them feel seen and appreciated. You can create a positive environment where both partners feel valued and motivated to continue contributing to the relationship.
“I like your…”
You should also try and compliment a very specific quality about them, such as their kindness or sense of humor; it helps them feel recognized for who they are. It’s more meaningful than a generic compliment and shows that you’re paying attention to what makes them unique and special.
“I feel comfortable with you.”
Sharing that you feel at ease around them helps build trust and intimacy; it lets them know that their presence has a positive impact on you, encouraging a deeper connection. Feeling comfortable is essential for open and honest communication in a relationship, so this sense of ease lets you both be authentic.
“What are your goals and dreams?”
You should always encourage conversations about their aspirations, as this shows that you’re interested in their future and want to support their ambitions, and it helps you understand what drives them. This shared vision can strengthen your bond, and discussing dreams and goals can lead to collaborative plans.
“I’m here for you.”
Build a sense of security by telling them that you’re there for them through good times and bad. It’s crucial to know that your partner is dependable and will stand by you, and this phrase can be comforting and solidify your commitment to each other.
“I respect your opinion.”
You’ll want a relationship built on mutual respect; it shows that you value their perspective and are willing to listen, even if you don’t always agree. Respect is crucial for healthy and productive communication; by honoring their viewpoints, you create a partnership where both voices are heard.
“You make me happy.”
Finally, one thing you should definitely be saying is that they make you happy and bring joy to your life, as this reinforces the positive impact they have on you. It’s a heartfelt compliment that can boost their confidence and happiness.
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