Working out the best way to talk to someone with depression can be difficult – you want to be helpful and caring without accidentally coming across as patronizing or unsupportive. Here are 20 things you should avoid saying to a person who’s struggling with depression.
“You Don’t Look Depressed”
You might think that someone with depression will look super sad all the time – but this isn’t the case. As The Guardian explains, people with depression aren’t sad 24/7, and they can also hide their true feelings; someone might look ok on the outside but be struggling on the inside.
“Just Snap Out of It”
Telling someone who is struggling with depression to ‘snap out of it’ is red flag territory, so don’t fall into making this mistake yourself; it’s wrong on so many levels. For starters, you’re suggesting that they’re not trying hard enough to feel better.
“Everyone Feels Sad Sometimes”
This is the type of sentence that is uttered by people who haven’t made an effort to understand the seriousness of depression. By saying that ‘everyone feels sad’, you’re downplaying how much the other person is struggling and comparing their feelings with normal sadness.
“You Have So Much to Be Grateful For”
People who are depressed often feel guilty enough for the way they are feeling without being made to feel bad that they aren’t expressing more gratitude. When someone is depressed, it can be really hard to find joy in anything.
“You’re Just Being Lazy”
Unsurprisingly, telling someone with depression that they’re ‘just being lazy’ is 0% helpful and 100% unsupportive. Depression can cause symptoms like fatigue and a lack of motivation, but you need to be very careful not to confuse these with laziness.
“Other People Have It Worse”
Whenever you’re talking to someone with depression, you should always avoid comparing their lives with the lives of other people. Sure, there are other people suffering in the world, but pointing this out will only make them ashamed and more helpless.
“Think Positive”
According to Healthline, having depression can actually alter some of the structures in the brain. This means it’s not possible to simply ‘think positive’ and stop being depressed – there’s a whole lot more going on. You should always try to avoid oversimplifying when talking about depression.
“Cheer Up”
When has telling someone to ‘cheer up’ ever actually made anyone feel better? This is pretty much a no-brainer when it comes to ‘what not to say’ to people who are struggling with depression. It’s an overly simplistic sentence that ignores how complex dealing with depression really is.
“You’re Strong, You Can Handle This”
Ok, so whilst it’s good to remind people that they have the strength to handle whatever life throws at them, avoid putting too much emphasis on this. It could make people feel like they have to be strong and hide their emotions, and they may feel embarrassed if they can’t cope alone.
“Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself”
People who don’t understand depression may mistake someone’s suffering for self-pity and get annoyed. The thing is, it’s never going to help anyone to tell them to ‘stop feeling sorry’ for themselves – the only thing this will do is make the person feel more alone.
“It’s All in Your Head”
Depression is so much more than a psychological condition – according to the National Institutes of Health, it can affect lots of different parts of the body and even cause physical pain. That’s why it’s so dismissive to tell someone that their depression is ‘all in their head’.
“Have You Tried Exercise?”
We all know that exercise can work as a way to lift our mood, but it still isn’t a band-aid for all of life’s problems. In fact, it can be pretty irritating to be told to exercise when you’re struggling with depression, so this one definitely goes in the ‘unhelpful advice’ column.
“You’re Bringing Everyone Down”
Don’t try to make anyone struggling with depression feel like they’re having a negative effect on everyone else’s mood. All this does is show a lack of empathy for how the person is feeling and makes them feel even worse about themselves.
“It’s Not That Bad”
We understand that telling someone ‘it’s not that bad’ is meant as a form of encouragement, but it can come across as patronizing – particularly to someone with depression. It’s almost the same as telling someone that they’re overreacting or being dramatic, which is, unsurprisingly, very unhelpful.
“Stop Overthinking It”
Forbes explains that overthinking is literally a symptom of depression, so telling someone who suffers from depression to ‘stop overthinking’ is like telling someone with a migraine to ‘stop having a headache’. The best thing to do is listen and be empathetic.
“You Should Get Out More”
People with depression can be a bit reclusive, so it might seem like encouraging them to get out and about could be the answer to all their problems. Unfortunately, it isn’t this easy, and throwing around such a simple-sounding fix is going to seem unsupportive.
“Just Pray About It”
Not everyone with depression will find praying useful, and even those who do may feel insulted if you tell them to pray. It implies that you think they haven’t already been asking God for guidance or that they’d be healed if they prayed more.
“You Should Be Happy”
The Mighty points out that when you tell someone they ‘should be happy’, you are implying that they have a choice in whether to feel happy or not. For a lot of people with depression, it is impossible to simply ‘feel happier’, so these kinds of phrases just make them feel guilty instead.
“You’re Too Sensitive”
Telling someone that they’re ‘too sensitive’ suggests that showing emotions is a weakness; this is the sort of toxic messaging that we all need to leave back in the 1800s. Instead of making observations about someone’s character, it helps just to lend a supportive ear.
“This Will Pass”
If you tell someone that ‘this will pass’, you probably mean well; however, it can come across as a bit dismissive. When you’re talking to someone with depression, avoid acting as though you think it will all just ‘blow over’ soon – it might seem like you don’t care about how they’re feeling.
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