Low confidence can have a big impact on someone’s feelings, behaviors, and ideas. Their relationships and general well-being may suffer as a result of this loss of self-worth. If you don’t want to make that worse for them, here are 17 things to avoid saying to someone who lacks confidence.
“Just Get Over It”
That’s like telling someone with insomnia to just go to sleep or someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. It’s not that easy, and these things need time. According to NDTV, this completely invalidates the person’s feelings and their struggles. It’s counterproductive and can make them feel misunderstood.
“Stop Being So Sensitive”
This phrase can make a person feel their genuine emotional responses are unjustified or excessive. It is a belittling and rude thing to say to someone who already has very low confidence and self-esteem. Telling someone to stop being sensitive can make them feel as if others think they are overreacting and will make them even more self-conscious.
“You Always Mess Things Up”
When you focus on another person’s failures, you can reinforce a negative self-image and discourage them from trying new things. Instead, you should try emphasizing past successes and focus on the value of learning from our mistakes.
“You’re Not Trying Hard Enough”
Questioning the efforts that other people are putting into their lives can make people doubt themselves and feel their struggles are due to a lack of trying, even if they are putting in maximum effort. You should acknowledge the work they are putting in, regardless of the outcomes, to boost their motivation.
“Other People Have It Worse”
Other people being in a worse situation does not make this particular person’s struggles any easier. Comparing their issues with others can trivialize their feelings. Try to focus on their specific situation and offer support that is relevant to their personal experiences.
“You Need to Be More Like…”
A person with low self-esteem may feel even more inadequate if they draw comparisons between themselves and other people. Phrases like “Your sister never had these issues” or “Why can’t you do your job more like your colleague?” can exacerbate their sense of flaws or failure to live up to expectations.
“You Should Smile More”
Smiling does not give people confidence. Physical exercise, mindfulness, and therapy, according to Psych Central, do. Telling someone to smile more can be perceived as ignoring the underlying issues affecting their confidence.
“That Was a Stupid Mistake”
A statement like this can be a real blow to a person’s self-esteem. They may interpret your statements literally, believing that they are foolish or stupid, rather than understanding your meaning. This sort of harsh criticism can damage self-esteem further and hinder personal growth.
“Can’t You Do Anything Right?”
Undermining a person’s abilities with this rhetorical question can make someone feel incompetent and worthless. If they already have low self-esteem, this certainly won’t help them to build the confidence they need.
“You’ll Never Change”
A person who struggles with confidence and self-esteem does not need to hear this kind of thing. Expressing doubt about a person’s capability to change or grow can reinforce a fixed mindset. Instead of telling a person they will never change, try encouraging personal growth.
“Why Are You Always So Quiet?”
You really shouldn’t ask somebody this or label them in this manner. Maybe they are only quiet around you–maybe you don’t know them as well as you think! Or maybe they are always quiet, and that’s ok. Remarks like this can make a person feel there’s something wrong with their natural temperament.
“Just Speak Up More”
Remarks like this, or “Just get over it” or “Everyone feels like that sometimes”, while intended to normalize their feelings, it can often minimize the struggle people are going through, according to Bolde. They could feel misinterpreted and alone if you act like their difficulties are simple to conquer.
“You Should Have Known Better”
If a person lacks confidence and has issues with self-esteem, blaming them after the fact for a mistake can prevent them from learning from the experience. Instead, you could try having a discussion about what can be learned from the situation without assigning blame to anyone.
“You Don’t Look Good”
Commenting negatively on a person’s appearance can severely impact their self-image, and if they already have low confidence, this will just make it worse. There is no need to tell someone that they look ill or tired. Instead, you could compliment genuine aspects of their appearance or personality to boost their confidence.
“You’re Wrong About Yourself”
When we listen to someone berate themselves, our natural response is to correct their negative ideas and give them lots of praise—things like “don’t say that; you’re amazing!” for example. Despite your best efforts, they are unlikely to accept this, and you might make them feel as if you think they don’t know themselves.
“Let me Give You Some Advice”
Giving uninvited counsel to someone with low self-esteem can have a detrimental effect. It could give your loved one the idea that they are failing as a person when you and everyone else can take care of themselves. This can project an “adult” and “child” aspect to your relationship, which makes the person with low self-esteem feel even worse.
“Don’t be Silly”
Saying “Don’t be silly” or “That’s a stupid thing to say” may be an automatic reactions for most when someone we care about is being negative about themselves. But this can reinforce the bad feelings and thoughts that a person with low self-esteem already experiences, says Healthyplace, as it may sound to them as though you are calling them stupid.
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