Romantic relationships can be complex and challenging. When individuals come together, setting boundaries can be tough, and conflicts might come up. To help prevent conflict, here are 17 things you should avoid saying to your partner, as they can be toxic.
I Told You So
In any situation, this phrase is highly frustrating. It highlights your enjoyment at the fact that your partner is wrong and also displays a lack of empathy. A relationship where one party is always right can be extremely draining, so as tempting as it may be to say, ‘I told you so,’ you’re better off keeping quiet.
Why Can’t You Be More Like…?
One of the quickest ways for a relationship to go downhill is getting caught in the comparison trap. Whether you’re comparing your partner to exes, friends’ partners, or even just acquaintances, it is a huge knock to their self-confidence when they feel like you are unfavorably comparing them to someone else.
I’m Sorry If You Felt That Way
When you say this to a partner, it shows that you take no accountability for the part you played in your partner’s upset. Psychology Today says that a lack of accountability is a narcissistic trait. This type of behavior is extremely toxic in relationships, and you should always empathize with how you may have upset your partner.
You’re Too Much
For the right person, you’re never too much, so if you feel like telling your partner that they are ‘too much’, this isn’t the right relationship. For a romantic relationship to succeed, you need to love your partner unconditionally. Never make your partner feel insecure about who they are.
You’re Too Sensitive
Romantic relationships open up a whole world of vulnerability, and we allow our partners to see our more sensitive side. Sharing your weaknesses with a partner is a relationship strength, yet you can easily invalidate your partner’s feelings by telling them that they are too sensitive.
I Don’t Like It When…
Although it is extremely important in a relationship to voice your opinions and feelings, there is a way to go about it. Bluntly stating ‘I don’t like it’ can be pretty hurtful and easily disregards their feelings. For effective communication, criticism needs to be constructive rather than negative.
I Hate You
In the midst of an argument, we can automatically say, ‘I hate you,’ but we must remember that hate is a very strong word. Conflict is a natural part of a healthy relationship, and just because you don’t align with your partner at that very moment doesn’t mean you hate them.
You’re So Needy
It is easy to feel suffocated in a relationship, but telling your partner that they are too needy will really make them feel insecure. Shondaland says that the term ‘needy’ is an unfair label as relationships are built on the need for connection, and we are wired as humans to seek out this companionship.
You’re Nothing Without Me
It is easy to fall into the trap of viewing the two of you as one and not two individual people. However, this is a sign of an extremely unhealthy relationship and usually reflects an unbalanced power dynamic. This phrase is highly hurtful and can significantly impact self-esteem.
What Is The Matter With You?
Conflict is natural in a relationship, and you won’t always see eye to eye. However, when your outlook is different from your partner’s, their view is often seen as a fault. It is common to say, ‘What is the matter with you?’ but this lack of understanding can both belittle and shame your partner.
You’re An Idiot
One of the most common insults in a relationship is ‘you’re an idiot.’ Often used in moments of frustration, this saying is usually said on autopilot, but it directly insults someone’s intelligence. Frequently calling someone an idiot can make them feel insecure and display a lack of empathy on your part.
Do You Have Any Idea How Much This Cost Me?
While finances do play a major role in a relationship, this saying puts the relationship in a transactional light. This is extremely toxic in a relationship where one partner is the breadwinner and the other is a homemaker. It can make your partner feel like a financial burden or like they can’t be trusted with finances and material possessions.
Not Right Now
Once you are comfortable in a relationship, it is common for other areas of life to become more of a priority. Saying ‘not right now’ when your partner is trying to communicate with you shows that you value other things more than them. It invalidates your partner’s need for connection, which Psych Central says can make them feel unimportant.
I Don’t Care
Regardless of whether or not you agree or align with your partner’s thoughts and feelings, you should also respect them. When you say ‘I don’t care’, it comes across as that you don’t value them as a person. It shows a significant lack of interest, which is extremely hurtful and breeds a toxic environment.
You’re Overreacting
Reactions are based on how you feel in the moment, so if you feel like your partner may be blowing things out of proportion, take a back seat and try to understand why they may be reacting this way. It isn’t healthy to tell your partner that they are overreacting, as it undermines their feelings in a situation.
You Don’t Deserve Me
Romantic relationships are all about coming together as equals to form a life together. Unfortunately, a large number of relationships have an unhealthy power dynamic, and telling your partner ‘you don’t deserve me’ shows that you feel superior in the relationship. It is highly toxic to dent your partner’s self-worth like that.
Everything Is Fine
If this is true, sure, but when it becomes toxic, it’s when it’s not. Your partner needs to understand where you are coming from, so don’t diminish a situation by saying it’s fine, as they will never understand. CNBC says that saying everything is fine when it doesn’t make it difficult to resolve conflict.
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