Narcissists are challenging people to deal with. They’re entitled, self-important, manipulative, and lack empathy. It can be tricky to spot a narcissist because many know how to mask their behavior. However, this behavior often comes out when things get heated, and there are 17 things you should never tell a narcissist during a fight.
You’re Not Listening
Narcissists regularly start arguments because they need to prove that they’re right. This often involves loudly proclaiming their thoughts and opinions over the other person, overpowering their arguments. Saying they’re not listening might make them feel like they’re in control.
You Don’t Care
Even when their behavior shows a lack of care and affection for you, accusing a narcissist of not caring won’t help in a fight. They’ll take the accusation as a personal attack, renew their efforts to verbally dominate you, and avoid hearing anything else that criticizes their character.
You Make Me Feel Like This
It’s normal to want to tell someone how much they’ve hurt or upset you, but when that person is narcissistic, they won’t take it well. Psych Central recommends using ‘I’ statements when arguing with a narcissist because using ‘you’ statements points out their flaws instead of emphasizing your needs and feelings.
You Always Do This
It won’t take long for you to notice a pattern in a narcissist’s behavior, but they frequently lash out when you point it out. Telling them they always upset you or ruin things will make them angry and could escalate the fight. Avoid using any ‘always’ statements because they’ll think you’re scrutinizing them.
You’re Wrong
Narcissists are often very clever, so they know how to spin a narrative and get their way. Telling them they’re wrong when you’re arguing won’t make them question their behavior; it’ll make them want to defend themselves more. They might tell you you’re actually the one in the wrong to make you feel guilty.
Shut Up
We all lash out when we’re angry, but you must be careful when dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists like to be the ones in control, so telling them to shut up challenges their authority over you. To regain their power, they’ll respond in kind to try to silence you instead.
You Need Help
People with narcissistic personality disorder can seek help from professional therapists, but most choose not to. They might not even realize that they have a personality disorder, so they won’t take kindly to being told they need help. If you want to help them, save it for when you’re not fighting.
It’s My Fault
Narcissists never want to admit they’re wrong, so they often gaslight the people they argue with into accepting accountability. Choosing Therapy reports that narcissists regularly gaslight people by citing past mistakes, calling them crazy, and flat-out denying things that happened. You’re playing into their hands when you tell them something is your fault.
This Isn’t About You
Narcissists are usually egotistical and like being the center of every conversation. It’s good to focus on your thoughts and feelings during an argument to avoid attacking them, but telling them it isn’t about them will make them snap at you. You won’t be able to have a productive conversation about the real issue.
You’re Lying
Narcissists always portray themselves favorably when recounting things, so they might accuse you of things you didn’t do or say. You’re entitled to your indignation but don’t tell them they’re lying because they won’t admit it. Instead, they’ll double down and make you out to be the liar.
Tell Me What I Can Do
When a narcissist senses you’re slipping out of their control, they’ll do whatever it takes to lure you back. Crying is one manipulative tool they frequently use during a fight because it makes you feel bad. Asking them what you can do shows them their manipulation worked because you’ve backed down.
I’m Leaving You
Once you realize you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, breaking up with them can be a massive challenge. According to Psychology Today, it’s difficult because narcissists are charming people who make us feel needed. You should never tell them you’re leaving them during a fight when they can manipulate you.
You’re Crazy
It’s not productive to call anyone who is suffering from a personality disorder crazy, especially a narcissist. Telling somebody that they’re crazy is a classic narcissistic manipulation tactic, so avoid stooping to their level and insulting them. Keep calm and refrain from attacking them when you’re still arguing.
You’re Making Me Angry
Even if they’ve always been the angry ones in the relationship, a narcissist will still make you feel terrible for responding with your own anger. Telling them that they’re making you angry won’t make them stop their behavior; it’ll encourage them to bait you further. When you lose your cool, you look like the villain.
It’s Your Problem
Narcissists are usually very self-important, so they won’t like hearing that they’re the cause of conflict. Even when they deliberately start a fight, they won’t take accountability. If you tell them the issue is their problem, not yours, they’ll continue to make it your problem, so you can’t escape.
Please Forgive Me
Even if you want a fight to end, never tell a narcissist to forgive you. If they’re in the wrong, they should apologize to you, but they’ll make you beg for their forgiveness to maintain control. You enable their bad behavior when you give in to keep the peace.
You’re a Narcissist
You might be tempted to call a spade a spade, but telling a narcissist they’re a narcissist isn’t a good idea. USA Today reports that experts say it’s one of the worst things you can do because narcissists lack the self-awareness needed to have this conversation. The fight will get worse, and you’ll regret it.
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