Honesty and communication are important in relationships, but not everything needs to be shared. If you think it might hurt your partner, it’s sometimes better not to say it. Hurtful words, especially in arguments, can cause long-term damage. Here are 18 things you should never tell your partner.
That They’re Overreacting
Has anybody ever calmed down after being told they’re overreacting in an argument? You should never say this to your partner because it sounds like you’re minimizing their feelings. Instead, listen to why they feel that way, even if you think you’re in the right.
That Your Ex is Better
You don’t need to hide the fact you’ve had previous relationships but comparing your current partner to your ex isn’t going to help anyone. Psych Central warns that comparing your relationship can make things worse, bringing up resentment.
That You Hate Their Family
Trouble with in-laws is a tale as old as time, but you need to be careful how you deal with it. Telling your partner you hate their family will offend them and make them defensive. It could also sound like you’re giving them an ultimatum, which will only widen the rift.
That They’re Stupid
Sometimes, our partners do things that baffle us, but calling someone you love ‘stupid’ is unacceptable. If you want to rectify a situation, making a personal attack by insulting their intelligence will only make them angry at you. They likely won’t forget your disrespect quickly, either.
That They Shouldn’t Be Angry
Nobody likes fighting with their partner, but you won’t end a fight by telling them they shouldn’t be angry. You can’t control another person’s emotions, especially if they feel you’ve done something wrong. So, the best thing to do is listen to what they’re saying and approach things rationally.
That They’re a Liar
Miscommunications happen frequently in relationships, but it’s not productive to accuse your partner of lying. They may have misinterpreted or misheard something, so it’s best to give them the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions. If you still think they’re lying, try to have a constructive conversation.
That They’re Fat
Calling anybody fat is unnecessary and cruel, but especially your partner. Verywell Mind warns that attacking your partner for something you consider a flaw is malicious, especially if you try to disguise it as teasing. If you have concerns over your partner’s weight gain, approach it delicately and never use the word ‘fat’.
That They’re Wrong
People often say that when you argue with your partner, it’s not you versus them; it’s the two of you versus the problem. That’s why you shouldn’t tell your partner that they’re wrong in a fight. You should both listen to what the other has to say and figure out what the real problem is.
That They Need to Prove Their Love
We’ve all heard of those ‘Would you still love me if…’ questions people ask their partners. However, even the most silly, lighthearted questions can get old if you’re asking them all the time, so it’s best not to tell your partner to prove their love. They should show it through their actions.
That They Never Listen
It’s always best to avoid telling your partner anything that starts with ‘never’ because it implies you’re keeping score. Telling them that they never listen to you is likely untrue and will come across as an attack. If you don’t feel heard, tell them that instead, with the focus on your feelings, not their actions.
That They’re The Problem
When a fight breaks out over something your partner has said or done, it’s easy to tell them they’re the problem. However, if you want to resolve the conflict, this is unproductive. If you constantly think your partner is the problem in your relationship, it might be time to reconsider.
That Their Career is Worthless
There’s nothing worse than feeling unsupported by the person you love, especially in your career. Forbes reports that one spouse denigrating the other’s career can come from fear of change, different life circumstances, or envy of their success. But telling them their career is worthless is cruel and disrespectful.
That They Ruined Your Life
When you get angry at your partner, it’s normal to want to lash out and upset them to soothe your own hurt feelings. However, telling them that they ruined your life will devastate them, and they might never forgive you. Remember, this is the person you love, so you don’t want to hurt them irreversibly.
That They’re Not Your Dream Man/Woman
When we’re young, we imagine what our dream man or woman looks, speaks, and acts like. More often than not, the person we end up with is nothing like what we imagined. This only becomes a problem if you tell your partner and make them feel inadequate.
That You Could Do Better
It’s unkind for anybody to comment on a relationship by telling one partner they could do better, but it’s unforgivable for the partner themselves to say it. Making your partner feel insecure won’t make you feel superior; it will destroy the mutual trust and respect that makes your relationship work.
That They Can’t Take a Joke
Being able to tease your partner playfully is healthy, but don’t take it too far. If you say something in jest that upsets your partner, apologize, even if you didn’t mean to. Telling them they can’t take a joke will only upset them further and show that you don’t respect their feelings.
That You’ll Divorce Them
Threats never end well in a relationship, so don’t make them. Telling your partner you’ll divorce them when you’re in the middle of a fight will create insecurities, and make the conflict worse. Don’t ever use the word ‘divorce’ unless you’re being serious.
That You Don’t Love Them
Falling out of love with your partner is heartbreaking, but, like divorce, it’s something you should never bring up unless you truly mean it. Hearing the person you love most tell you they don’t love you is something you’ll never forget. If you say this to your partner, it could end your relationship.