In your child’s first years, you’re the most important influence on them. You shape their childhood and future adult behavior. No one is prepared for parenthood, and everyone is just winging it, but there are 19 toxic phrases parents tell their children without realizing it.
Why can’t you be more like…?
All children want to please their parents, so comparing themselves to other children has a huge impact on their self-esteem. Siblings are regularly compared, but children will feel unimportant and unloved if their parents say that they wish they were more like the other.
You’re too sensitive
One of the primary roles of a parent is to support and validate their child’s feelings and emotions. As Parents.com highlights, every child struggles to regulate their emotions. Telling your child that they are ‘too sensitive’ can make them feel insecure and like they can’t open up to you.
Stop crying
There is no doubt that children cry—a lot. However, at such a young age, they have difficulty regulating their emotions, and it’s your job as a parent to encourage this side of their development. Expressing your emotions and feelings is very important, but telling your child to stop crying teaches them to bottle things up.
I’m disappointed in you
For many children, having a parent who is disappointed in them is a lot worse than having a parent who is angry at them. Childhood encompasses the primary development years, and during this time, kids make mistakes and push boundaries to learn. However, telling your child you’re disappointed in them can lead to people-pleasing tendencies.
Not right now
When a child is seeking connection, it may not always be the most convenient time, but you should always try to accommodate wherever possible. Telling your child that now is not a good time makes them feel unimportant, and if this is consistent over time, they will feel that they can’t rely on you as a parent.
You’re so annoying
We get it—little kids can be annoying, but you never want to tell your child that. Telling a child that they are annoying is extremely hurtful and could lead to insecurity. Good Morning America says that it’s important to distinguish between your child being annoying and their behavior being annoying.
Leave me alone
Parenting is one of the most stressful jobs on the planet, and there is no doubt that you need a little alone time. However, to your child, you are the center of their universe, and they won’t understand your need for solitude. Instead, telling your child, ‘Leave me alone,’ makes them feel rejected and unloved.
Just let me do it
The role of a parent is to guide children and set them up for adulthood. It can be very frustrating to watch a child struggling with a task, but if you never let them do it, they’ll never learn. Children will feel like they are incapable or not trusted if you are constantly taking over, so try to let them do things on their own.
When I was your age
At the rate society moves, your childhood and your offspring’s childhood are likely to be worlds apart. However, saying ‘when I was your age’ is never helpful. Things are completely different now, and it can lead you as a parent to feel resentment and children to feel like their childhood isn’t good enough.
You’re overreacting
Overreaction is entirely subjective, and the way someone responds to a situation is highly individualized. Your job as a parent is to be supportive and validate your child’s feelings. Telling your child that they’re overreacting to a situation often leads to a lack of vulnerability in adulthood.
Why do you always get upset when this happens?
According to CNBC, this phrase is one that often shames children. When parents question why a scenario upsets their child, it is often out of frustration rather than understanding. Children will then be led to believe that their feelings and emotions regarding that situation are invalid.
You’re always in a bad mood
Trying to navigate the world from an early age is highly complex and there are a lot of factors that can contribute towards your child’s mood. Rather than attempting to understand your child’s attitude from a place of love, simply stating that they are ‘always in a bad mood’ can knock down their self-confidence.
You’re okay
When your child gets hurt, it is common to tell them that they are okay. What many parents don’t realize is that this phrase is extremely toxic, as it implies that not being okay is a weakness. Instead, we should validate our children’s feelings of hurt and let them know it is okay not to be okay.
Just ignore them
Bullying has a major impact on the life of a child, and telling your child just to ignore their bully will do little to help the situation. It really undermines the negative situation the child is experiencing, and they will end up keeping it to themselves. Your child is also not in a position of control, and you need to support them.
At least…
It’s the nature of a child to be very self-absorbed, so even when they experience the smallest inconvenience, it is the end of the world. To them, everything is a huge deal, and while you may try to look on the bright side, they will think you just don’t care about what they’re experiencing.
You look like you’ve lost/gained weight
According to FamilyDoctor.org, children as young as three now worry about body image. Attitudes toward our physical appearance are formed very early on, and during those years, parents are the primary influence. Telling your child that they have lost or gained weight will make them feel conscious of it.
They have a crush on you
It’s common for parents to attribute a bit of teasing to a crush. When your child complains that someone is picking on them, don’t try to validate it by telling them that their bully likes them. There is never an excuse, and instead, this conditions your child to accept unhealthy relationships.
Suck it up
No matter how bad a situation is, there is always going to be someone having a worse experience. While we can look at this objectively as adults, children can just feel like they are invalidated. Telling a child to ‘suck it up’ teaches them that they are wrong for experiencing negative emotions.
I know best
As a parent, you often know best in a situation simply through life experience. However, we need to give our children the autonomy to make their own decisions, even if that means making mistakes. When you tell your child that you know best, it makes them feel controlled and like they can’t be trusted.
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