Toxic people are always trying to manipulate those around them, but what they are doing may be normal behavior in their minds. So maybe you’re a toxic person and don’t even realize it. Here are 18 traits that indicate you might be the toxic person in your family.
The constant need to control everything
Do you feel the need to control what your kids wear and who they are friends with? Would you interfere with your brother’s holiday plans? Are you keeping an eye on your spouse’s finances? If you constantly need to control family decisions, big or small, you will stifle your loved ones’ individual autonomy.
No empathy
Are you ignoring the feelings and emotions of those around you? If they are in pain and you can’t comprehend why, or if you believe they should tough it out and move on, failing to acknowledge and validate their emotional distress can cause them to distance themselves from you.
A victim mentality
Do you constantly feel like the universe is out to get you? Take a step back and look at the big picture to see what’s really important. Taking on a permanent victim mentality can hinder personal development, and according to Hack Spirit, you avoid any accountability for the part you might have played in the situation.
Overly critical
There’s giving someone constructive criticism, and then there’s just being mean. Do you know which one you’re doing? Consistently criticizing family members’ choices, appearance, or behaviors can erode their self-esteem and risk their well-being as a result of destructive criticism.
You hate to say sorry
If you mess up but can’t say sorry, that’s pretty toxic. Owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility is important. Not being able to apologize properly can stop problems from getting fixed and make people hold grudges. It’s also pretty cowardly. People won’t think much of you if you can’t admit when you’re wrong.
Your behavior is manipulative
Manipulative behaviors are often used to maintain dominance or control in a situation. Using guilt trips, gaslighting, and dishonesty to coax your family into doing what you want is manipulation. If you are in the habit of employing manipulation tactics to keep your family in line with your agenda, then yes, you might be the toxic one.
Are you jealous?
If you can feel that green-eyed monster popping up when someone else is doing well, you may be toxic. You should be happy for the people you love when they achieve something, not resentful and envious of them. If you are unable to support or celebrate others’ successes, the family’s emotional health will suffer.
Deflecting your issues
Do you blame others for your unhappiness? Can you see your part in your own failures? Deflection may be a common defense mechanism, but it’s also immature and unhealthy. It can cause resentment among your family members, as they will find it hard to resolve disagreements with you.
Passive-aggressive behavior
Passive aggressiveness can build up resentment and allow unresolved issues to accumulate over time. This type of communication can include guilt trips and backhanded compliments, says Oprah Daily. If you can’t openly address your issues but choose to express them indirectly in ways that make others’ lives difficult, this can be toxic for your family.
Withholding love and affection
Typically, manipulative people will use love as a tool to control the people close to them. If a family member won’t bend to their will, they’ll withhold affection, leaving that person feeling unloved and unwanted. Conditional love can have a lasting impact on those we are close to.
Lying
Lying can erode the fundamental trust that family relationships rely on, making family members paranoid and suspicious of one another. According to Psych Central, lying complicates relationships and can lead to self-doubt and second-guessing of what we feel we saw, heard, or felt, and turn family members against one another.
Explosive anger
If you are prone to sudden and intense outbursts of anger, you are most likely creating a climate of fear and instability in your family. This will have a long-term emotional impact on family members who spend their lives walking on eggshells in anticipation of the next outburst.
Extreme mood swings
Swinging between emotions is awful for the person who is experiencing mood swings, but it is also very difficult for the people around them. Extreme fluctuations in mood can make family interactions unpredictable and stressful. These mood swings put marital stability and family harmony at risk.
Isolating your family
Keeping your immediate family close is important, but not isolating them from extended family and friends. Severing outside relationships to maintain control is toxic and will lead to resentment from your family in the long run.
Not respecting boundaries
In family settings, boundaries are often overlooked. Just as you wouldn’t invade your friend’s privacy by entering their bedroom, the same respect should be given to your child. Similarly, just as you wouldn’t read your friend’s journal, it’s important to afford your spouse the same privacy. Family members deserve their own space and autonomy, and breaching these boundaries is a sign of toxic behavior.
Sarcasm and mockery
Demeaning family members using sarcasm and mockery under the guise of humor can be extremely hurtful. Communicating this way while belittling and laughing at people can slowly erode an individual’s self-esteem and confidence. It is also manipulative and cowardly, as you can always say, ‘It was just a joke’ if you are called out on it.
Negativity and pessimism
Energy vampires are the toxic Dracula nobody wants to spend time with. A consistently negative outlook can drain the family’s spirit and optimism. Spreading gloom through the household with your inescapable pessimism can impact the family’s ability to pursue positive goals and stay hopeful.
Overdependence
We all need other people to a certain extent, especially our families, but independence is important, too. According to Psychology Today, excessive reliance on others can lead to unstable relationship dynamics. Your lack of independence may burden your family and affect their emotional well-being.
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