Being an adult who grew up in an unhappy childhood home can feel like an isolating experience. But the bittersweet reality is that many people can relate to this feeling and the hardships that come along with it. To help you feel less alone and misunderstood, let’s take a look at 18 traits most people who had an unhappy childhood can relate to.
Low Self-esteem
Sadly, many people who experienced an unhappy childhood will continue struggling with their self-esteem well into their adult lives. Their early experiences may have led them to feel like they’re unlovable, unvaluable, or unworthy of good things, causing them to doubt themselves and their abilities frequently.
Difficulty Trusting Others
If you had an unhappy childhood, it’s more likely that you’ll find it difficult to trust others early on in your friendships or relationships. This is typically because you learned early on that people can’t always be trusted to stick by your side or act according to your best interests.
Dependence on Substances
Sadly, studies show that there is a significant link between childhood trauma and substance dependence. It’s quite common for people who have unhappy childhoods to turn to substances such as drugs or alcohol to cope with their pain or negative thoughts. While this can help them find relief in the short term, it can lead to long-term issues with their physical and mental health.
Emotional Instability
Kids who grow up in unhappy homes often experience a lot of emotional drama and unpredictability, which naturally leads them to develop emotional issues of their own. For example, you may find that you regularly have volatile mood swings or more emotional reactions to seemingly insignificant things.
Fear of Abandonment
An unhappy childhood is sometimes marked by adults who abandon their children or neglect their needs. For this reason, people who grew up this way are likely to struggle with a chronic fear of abandonment. This anxiety can manifest as clinginess, avoidance, or a hypersensitivity to rejection.
Perfectionism
Some people glorify perfectionists, seeing them as disciplined and committed to quality in all things. But while this may be true, the dark truth is that many people fall into perfectionism because, in their early years, they were made to feel like anything less was not good enough, leading to significant struggles with their self-esteem and self-worth.
People-pleasing
People-pleasers may be accommodating and pleasant to be around, but it’s important to recognize the painful feelings that often lie beneath the surface. Kids who grew up in unhappy homes tend to learn that they must appease those around them in order to get their needs met, causing them to prioritize others at the cost of their own happiness.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Do you find it difficult to feel or express your emotions? If so, this could be because you had an unhappy childhood. This is because when our parents react negatively to our emotions or don’t respond to our emotional needs, we often learn to suppress them as a coping mechanism.
Hyper-vigilance
The Cleveland Clinic asserts that hypervigilance is often associated with traumatic childhood experiences. When kids grow up with unpredictable, harmful, or emotionally volatile caregivers, they learn that they must always be on alert for any signs of danger. This tendency can also carry over into adulthood, which can create issues with anxiety and sleep problems.
Overthinking
If you tend to overthink even seemingly small decisions or events, this could be the result of an unhappy childhood. People who had negative childhood experiences often learn that they must anticipate negative outcomes and judgments to avoid disappointment or other unwanted consequences.
Fear of Rejection
According to Verywell Mind, rejection sensitivity is commonly rooted in childhood experiences of rejection and neglect. The pain associated with being rejected, abandoned, or hurt in other ways naturally deters people from doing things that could cause them to feel that same pain again. Unfortunately, this can also lead to a reluctance to try new things, meet new people, or make the most of opportunities.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries
If you have a hard time setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, you may want to consider how your caregivers responded to your preferences in childhood. When parents overlook their child’s need for space, privacy, and other boundaries in childhood, this can make it much more difficult for them to express their needs as adults.
Emotional Numbness
While some people become emotionally volatile and unstable in response to childhood trauma, others cope by suppressing and numbing their emotions completely. Sadly, this can make it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships and express their emotions when they need to.
Struggle to Accept Compliments
When you aren’t validated or praised enough in your childhood, you can develop low self-esteem and self-worth. This makes it more difficult to accept compliments or praise in adulthood, as you’re less likely to believe the positive things people have to say about you.
Difficulty Forgiving Self
It’s a sad fact that some parents make their children feel like they’re responsible or guilty for things that really aren’t their fault. This creates a sense of shame and self-blame that often continues into adulthood, making it more challenging for these individuals to forgive themselves or show themselves kindness.
Tendency to Self-sabotage
As mentioned previously, it’s common for people who had unhappy childhoods to believe that they’re unvaluable or unworthy of good things. Sadly, this can cause them to sabotage their goals or successes because they subconsciously believe they’re not worthy of these positive outcomes.
Avoidance of Conflict
When we learn in our early years that conflict means heated arguments, emotional abuse, or instability, it teaches us to avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately, this can often backfire by making you more likely to suppress your emotions and blow up later.
Mental Health Issues
As noted by Psych Central, people who faced emotional neglect in their childhood are more likely to experience mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, personality disorders, and eating disorders. If you have noticed symptoms of these issues in yourself, it’s a good idea to speak with a therapist or counselor who can help support you.
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