Many parents can traumatize their children on a daily basis without even realizing it. The sad part? This trauma doesn’t just affect children in the moment; it can affect them into adulthood as well. If you don’t want this for your children, take note of these ways parents are known to unintentionally traumatize their kids.
Not Respecting Privacy
According to Raising Children, “Giving your child time and privacy to think and explore is an important part of supporting their growing independence.” Some parents have genuine concerns about giving their kids privacy. Just like adults, children need their own space, and not having trust in your child can be damaging.
Forcing Physical Affection
Forcing your children to show physical affection by hugging and kissing relatives can actually be traumatizing. It teaches your children to ignore discomfort, which can be bad in certain situations. Instead, by allowing your children to be affectionate when they want, you allow them to establish their own boundaries.
Dismissing Their Opinions
Dismissing your children’s opinions can be very damaging. It can really knock their confidence, as they feel what they have to say isn’t valued. This can be carried into adulthood and make your child anxious in social environments and an introvert.
Mocking Kindness Towards the Opposite Sex
Teasing your child when they’re engaging with the opposite sex may seem harmless, but it can be damaging. Young children can think they’ve done wrong, which prevents them from being kind to others in the future. They may also follow your actions and tease other children, which teaches them bad behaviors.
Isolating Them From Other Kids
You may feel you have good justification for isolating them from other kids, but you can be damaging them. By not having peers around them, they’re missing out on social interactions and learning valuable skills. This can see them grow up and struggle to interact and communicate with others.
Praising Intelligence Over Effort
Oxford Learning reports, “When praising your child for a job well done, recognize the effort they put in instead of their natural ability.” Only praising intelligence and not praising effort can be very damaging to your child. You should always praise your child when they make an effort, as it teaches them that growth is good and can lead to success.
Overreacting to Minor Injuries
Most parents will overreact to minor injuries their kids suffer to provide warmth and comfort to them. What they don’t realize is that by doing this, they can be teaching their child to overreact to the smallest of injuries. Instead, calm reactions are the best approach, as this will help your child develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Giving a Kid Everything They Want
Because you love your kid so much, you may feel the need to give them everything they want. This is actually poor parenting and sets them up for a lot of disappointment in life. Teaching them that they don’t always get what they want allows them to become resilient and learn to deal with setbacks.
Trying to Make Kids Mini Versions of Themselves
Many of us wish that our children will follow suit and enjoy the same hobbies and interests as ourselves. Some parents force their kids in this direction, which can be very traumatizing. Instead, you should give your kids the freedom to express their own individuality and do things that bring them enjoyment.
Ignoring Signs of Mental Health Issues
As a parent, you should always be on the lookout for signs of mental health issues in your child. This is supported by News and Sentinel, which states that mental health can affect how a child performs at school, making them appear lazy when they’re actually depressed. Spotting issues early can help prevent trauma for your child.
Conditional Love
Loving your children only based on what they do well can be very traumatizing and create anxiety in them. Instead, you should love your children unconditionally, as this teaches them what true love is and gives them the understanding that even with flaws, people are loved.
Abandonment
Abandoning your children in situations where they need you can affect future relationships in their adult lives. This can be very traumatizing for a child, as their parents often provide them with warmth and comfort, and when that disappears at a young age, they can hold on to negative feelings and emotions for a long time.
Suppressing their Emotions
PBS reports, “Once your child is more aware and in tune with various emotions, listen to them when they express themselves. Refrain from labeling emotions as good ones or bad ones. Allow them to express the emotions they feel.” You should always create a safe environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their emotions.
Constant Negativity
It can be detrimental to your child if you keep telling them off. Obviously, you need to teach them what’s right and what’s wrong, but you also need to ensure you’re praising them so they know when they’re doing things right, as this can help build their self-esteem.
Comparing to Siblings or Others
As a parent, you should never compare siblings. This can be very traumatic for your children and make them feel like they’re not good enough. Instead, you should celebrate your children’s individualism, which will fill them with positive emotions.
Not Intervening in Abuse
If you see your child being abused in any way, you should always intervene. This clearly shows that you’re there to protect them and prevent any kind of abuse that traumatizes them. It’s also a way to teach them that abuse isn’t accepted in society and isn’t something they should ever go through.
Teaching Politeness Over Assertiveness
This can be a tricky one for parents to teach. They obviously want their children to grow up polite and well-mannered, but they also want them to understand when to be assertive. This teaches their children to say no or walk away from situations they don’t feel comfortable in.
Enforcing Beliefs
Enforcing your child’s beliefs can be traumatic as they grow older. It doesn’t present them with the opportunity to think and learn for themselves, which can really hinder them and make it difficult for them to become independent adults.
Allowing Them Excessive Screen Time
Health Matters reports, “Excessive screen time may inhibit a child’s ability to observe and experience the typical everyday activities they need to engage with in order to learn about the world.” They need to know how to interact and communicate with people in the real world to be able to live their lives fully as adults.
Overprotecting
Part of your role as a parent is to protect your child. But often, too many parents are overprotective when it comes to certain challenges. This can prevent your children from developing confidence and independence. You should instead encourage them to do things even if they’ll likely fail, as it’ll be a valuable lesson for them to learn.
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