Choosing the correct life partner is one of the most important decisions we have to make in our lives. Getting it wrong can bring many problems to deal with. Here are 19 ways people go wrong in choosing their life partner.
Ignoring Red Flags
As mentioned by The Decision Lab, “Early in the relationship, flaws might not be so apparent. Commonly, people are engaged in a peacock dance to acquire and maintain the attention and company of their partner.” They’re enjoying the benefits of being in a relationship that they overlook when their partner makes mistakes.
Rushing Due to External Pressure
Unfortunately, many people pick the wrong life partner due to external pressures. Friends or family members can apply unnecessary pressure, which can lead to poor decisions about their partner. If you know someone who is single, don’t constantly ask whether they have a partner yet.
Prioritizing Looks Over Personality
Many people can pick their life partner based on their looks and sometimes ignore their personality. Looks will change over the years, but personality traits usually remain the same. For long-term happiness, you want to pick your partner based on their values.
Settling to Avoid Loneliness
Sadly, some people get into relationships just to avoid being lonely. However, picking the wrong partner who isn’t supportive or doesn’t care for you can actually make you feel even more lonely than when you were single. It’s always best to wait for the right person.
Thinking Love is Enough
Many people don’t realize this until they’re deep into a relationship but love often isn’t enough. To maintain a healthy relationship, you need more than just love. According to Our Relationship, you also need trust, vulnerability, respect, and affection. You need to be able to openly communicate with each other and have a good emotional connection.
Not Discussing Long-term Goals
If you get into a relationship without discussing long-term goals, you won’t have any idea whether you want the same thing in life. It’s important to discuss this so you don’t waste time with a partner just to find out years down the line that they don’t want their life to go in the direction you want it to.
Overlooking Financial Compatibility
Disagreements on finances in couples can cause a lot of stress and arguments. It’s important that you’re both on the same page with financial goals and responsibilities. If one of you spends unnecessary money while the other tries to save for both of your futures, this could cause problems and even lead to the relationship breaking down.
Hiding Your True Self
Some people are too scared to show their true self in a relationship. Unfortunately, this leads them to get into relationships that aren’t genuine. You should always be your true self so it’s fair not only to your partner but also to you. It may take time, but you will find a partner who wants to be with you for who you are.
Not Setting Boundaries
When entering any relationship, it’s important to set boundaries from the beginning. This gives your partner a clear understanding of what you expect out of a romantic relationship. It prevents any misunderstandings from happening in the future and allows you to respect each other’s wants.
Ignoring Compatibility Issues
Marriage reports, “Incompatibility means that each person in a relationship has different views or desires that don’t match.” Often, people don’t pay enough attention to whether the partner they’re picking for life is truly compatible. They may get blindsided by their looks or humor and ignore that they have little in common.
Expecting to Change Your Partner
Getting with someone and expecting that they’ll change for you once in a relationship is a bad choice. You should always accept your partner for who they are, including their flaws, and if that doesn’t match what you want out of a partner, then don’t get into a relationship with them.
Neglecting Communication
If you pick a partner who struggles to communicate, this can lead to many problems in your relationship. To have a healthy relationship, you need to be able to communicate effectively with each other, and that includes actively listening to what each of you has to say.
Disregarding Emotional Availability
If your partner isn’t emotionally available in your relationship, then this is likely to cause issues. It will prevent you from making a deep and meaningful connection with your chosen life partner. It can also negatively impact the intimacy between the two of you.
Trying to Please Your Family
Picking a life partner purely because you know your family will approve is a terrible decision. It’s important that you’re happy in your relationship, and the opinions of family and friends shouldn’t matter. True friends and family should only want what’s best for you and want you to be happy in a relationship.
Not Considering Lifestyle Compatibility
Lifestyle compatibility is crucial when it comes to picking the right life partner. If you aren’t a social person, picking a partner who is always out socializing may become draining. It’s important to have similar lifestyle choices, so you feel on the same page as your partner.
Overlooking Substance Abuse Issues
Picking a partner who you know has substance abuse issues is a very poor decision, which can create problems for you. For example, Turning Point tells us that it can create trust issues and lead to both physical and emotional abuse. Someone who abuses substances can’t be there for you as a partner, as they have an addiction they’re battling.
Being Controlled by Your Partner
Controlling behavior is never acceptable in a relationship. It shows that your partner does not respect you. It’s important to recognize signs of control and address them early. If there aren’t improvements, then you need to end the relationship, as it’s not healthy.
Settling for the Bare Minimum
If you settle for your partner doing the bare minimum, then you’re unlikely to be happy in your relationship. It’s important in a healthy relationship to have high standards that you both meet for one another. You want a partner who will actively contribute to your relationship.
Neglecting to Discuss Major Life Issues
Foundation Restoration reports, “Inevitably, as a couple, you will make many big decisions during the course of your relationship. From whether to get married, what kind of wedding you’ll have, and kids or no kids.” If you have a partner who doesn’t talk about things like future goals, then this can make a relationship difficult.
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