When you always have disagreements with someone who doesn’t know how to communicate healthily, you eventually notice one thing—they barely apologize. If you want to confirm whether someone fits into this description, here are a few things you see them do instead of saying sorry.
Blaming Stress
Verywell Mind says that there is definitely a clear link between being stressed and being angry; however, that doesn’t mean it’s ok for people to use ‘being stressed’ as an acceptable excuse for their behavior! Toxic people might say that they couldn’t control themselves and seek understanding instead of saying sorry.
Blaming the Victim
Yup – blaming the victim is a textbook way for toxic people to avoid saying sorry! After all, what better way is there to get out of apologizing than simply shifting the blame onto someone else? You might also hear them say that you are overreacting.
Playing the Victim
If someone has wronged you, and you’re waiting for an apology, you might be pretty confused when they start playing the victim. Toxic people do this all the time – they’ll act as though they’re actually the one who was hurt, and they’ll seek out sympathy instead of accepting responsibility.
Minimizing the Issue
Have you ever been really hurt by someone’s actions, only for them to try to tell you that it’s really “no big deal” or – even more annoyingly – “just a joke”? This technique of minimizing the issue is so common with toxic people – they’re trying to downplay any wrongdoing from their side.
Deflecting Responsibility
Instead of apologizing, a toxic person might try to change the subject or use humor to sidestep the conversation. They may also try to deflect responsibility by bringing up the person they’re arguing with’s past mistakes, loading the blame onto them instead!
Justifying Their Behavior
We’ve all been in an argument with someone who just keeps justifying and excusing their behavior. With some people, nothing is ever their fault. In these situations, anyone or anything will come into the firing line before the toxic person actually admits their mistake and says sorry.
Overly Emotional Responses
It’s totally normal for people to get emotional during an argument – HuffPost confirms that crying is pretty common. However, if emotions are exaggerated to gain sympathy or manipulate the situation, this might be a toxic person’s way of avoiding talking about the main issue.
Denying the Behavior
When people straight-up refuse to accept that the thing they need to apologize for even happened, this steps into gaslighting territory. According to Psychology Today, those on the receiving end of gaslighting “may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity.”
Using Conditional Apologies
If you’re arguing with someone who uses conditioner apologies, they might insist that they have said sorry – when really they haven’t. Toxic people will say things like “I’m sorry if you felt hurt.” which immediately shifts the blame back onto the other person.
Bringing Up Their Good Deeds
Sometimes, a toxic person will try to bring up all of the good things they’ve ever done to try to overshadow any mistakes – and avoid saying sorry. Their plan is that all these positive actions should be able to excuse their current behavior, but unfortunately, that’s not how life works!
Playing Dumb
It’s very infuriating when someone plays dumb in an argument – but it’s something that toxic people do all the time. Instead of accepting what they’ve done wrong, they’ll pretend not to understand why you’re feeling hurt and act confused in order to stop the conversation in its tracks.
Making It About Themselves
If you’ve ever tried to express your feelings to someone and found that they kept talking about how it made them feel instead – this is a way toxic people avoid apologizing. They’ll probably talk about how the situation has affected them personally, and they might even start seeking reassurance from you.
Blaming Their Past
PsychCentral points out that past trauma can have an impact on adult relationships – it’s something that can definitely cause some people to struggle with their behavior. However, using the past as a way to justify current behavior is a tactic that toxic people employ in order to seek sympathy and shift the blame.
Turning the Tables
Trying to get an apology from someone who keeps turning the table back on you is incredibly frustrating. Instead of facing up to what they’ve done wrong, they’ll continuously accuse you of behaving in a similarly negative way. This cycle is unlikely to end until one of you just gives up.
Promising to Change
It can feel hopeful when someone says that they’ll change their future behavior, but pay attention to what they’re actually saying. If these are simply vague promises about the future, with no focus on addressing current issues, it’s likely that this is just a way to get out of the current argument.
Claiming Misunderstanding
“You misunderstood what I was trying to say” is a common complaint that toxic people will use in arguments. They’ll just say that you didn’t ‘get’ their words or actions and insist that there isn’t actually a problem. Of course, there is a problem – they’re totally ignoring your emotions and feelings.
Pretending to Forget
In order to avoid having to apologize, toxic people sometimes pretend they can’t remember what happened. You might hear them say that their memory isn’t great or that they’re feeling quite forgetful. A lot of the time, this is just a way to avoid addressing the issue.
Using Silence
The silent treatment is an incredibly infuriating tactic in arguments – and it’s one that toxic people seem to love to use. It might seem like using silence is a way to defuse an argument, but MedicalNewsToday writes that it can actually be a form of emotional abuse.
Asking for Time
Okay, so sometimes it’s healthy to ask for time in an argument to clear our heads and stop the situation from escalating. However, if someone asks for time but never brings the issue back up again, this is a classic way of avoiding the situation altogether.
Changing the Subject
If it becomes difficult to stick to the topic of conversation because the person you’re arguing with keeps changing the subject, they might be trying to steer focus away from their mistakes. This also includes focusing on tiny parts of the argument – like the words used – rather than the bigger picture.
False Agreements
Annoyingly, toxic people will sometimes just agree with you in order to end the conversation quickly. This means they’ll say pretty much anything just to pacify you without meaning any of it. Heck, they might even seem to apologize – but sadly, it’s unlikely to be genuine or sincere.
Up Next: 19 Signs That Say You’ve Officially Entered Old Age
Old age comes for us all, though we do our best to resist it for as long as possible. But aging isn’t only gray hair, wrinkled skin, and yelling at kids to get off your lawn. Here are 19 signs you’ve realized you’re no longer the young stud you once were!
19 SIGNS THAT SAY YOU’VE OFFICIALLY ENTERED OLD AGE
17 Things That Are Too Woke For Boomers
Our society is so different from what it was decades ago, and boomers don’t like much of what everyone considers normal in today’s society. In this light, here are 17 things about ‘woke culture’ that particularly make boomers uncomfortable.
17 THINGS THAT ARE TOO WOKE FOR BOOMERS
17 Things You’re Just Too Old To Be Doing Anymore
The older you get, the more fragile you are physically and mentally, so it’s important to prioritize your well-being every day. Whether you still feel young at 50 or are closer to 80, we’ve compiled 17 things you’re too old to be doing anymore.