One of life’s greatest pleasures is the people we get to meet in our lifetimes. And it’d be incredibly sad if you were gifted with great people, but you didn’t let them in. Today, we look at a few ways you might be pushing people out of your life without even knowing it.
Ignoring Boundaries
When people let you know that you shouldn’t do or say something, following that instruction not only shows that you care about them but also that you respect them. Very Well Mind says, “When someone says no, they are setting a clear boundary. It’s important to respect this, just as you would like others to respect your boundaries.”
Overusing Criticism
Constant criticism, even if well-intentioned, can make people feel inadequate and defensive. If you find yourself always having to say something about the way others do things, it might have more to do with you than with the way they live their lives. Too much criticism lowers others’ self-esteem, which might make them not want to hang out with you as much.
Not Listening Actively
One of the best ways to make people want to be around you is to be an active listener. This doesn’t just mean being quiet; you have to pay attention to what they say and take it in fully. Harvard Business Review says, “Rather than thinking of yourself as a “good listener” or a “bad listener,” it can be useful to evaluate yourself on the sub-skills of active listening.” These skills include auditory processing and reading body language, tone of voice, or social cues accurately.
Being Too Negative
A negative attitude can be draining and push people away. If you’re genuinely going through something, speak to your friends about it sometime, but avoid bringing it up at every opportunity. If you feel like the negative thoughts are lingering, it might be helpful to seek professional help instead of putting that weight on your friends or family.
Failing to Keep Promises
What separates strangers from friends are the promises we make to each other. A good friend is one who is always there for others when possible. When you break promises, you show others that they can’t rely on you when they’re in trouble. It’s even worse if you do it consistently, and that makes you seem like a liar.
Invading Personal Space
Don’t get too close to others, especially if you don’t know them well. Remember that different cultures have different understandings of personal space. For example, some cultures kiss on the cheek to say hello, while others find this too intimate to do with a stranger.
Not Acknowledging Others’ Efforts
No matter who you are, you likely appreciate it when others acknowledge what you do, especially if it’s outstanding. Extend this same courtesy to the people in your life and let them know when they do something good. Don’t do it as a formality; try your best to show it genuinely.
Offering Unsolicited Advice
You might think that you’re helping someone out by offering your advice, but in some cases, you’re achieving the opposite. Most times, if someone wants your advice, they’ll ask for it. If you feel that you must say something about someone’s situation, politely ask them beforehand to see if they’re comfortable with you speaking about it.
Dominating Conversations
We all know that one person who cannot seem to understand conversations works two ways. They just take over all conversations and leave no room for others to express themselves. Science of People recommends following a 50/50 or 60/40 balance of speaking time so everyone gets a fair chance at speaking.
Ignoring Non-Verbal Cues
Non-verbal cues often tell more than words, and ignoring them can lead to misunderstandings. When talking to someone, keep their body language in mind so you don’t miss any important cues, such as discomfort. For example, if you notice someone gets annoyed when you bring up a certain topic, avoid it.
Being Unreliable
There’s nothing more exhausting than having a relationship with someone who is inconsistent. Avoid committing to things that you can’t deliver on. In the event that you’re unable to deliver on a promise that you made, communicate as early as possible so the person can find another solution.
Making Assumptions
If you have a strong relationship with someone, there’s no reason you should be afraid to ask them about anything. Don’t go making assumptions about people’s lives without giving them the benefit of the doubt. This will only lead to misunderstandings, which, in many cases, will be unfounded.
Not Sharing Information
There should be a certain level of transparency in all relationships. This doesn’t mean that you tell everyone all your business, but you should try to lay all the cards on the table relevant to the relationship you have with that person. For example, your boss should likely know about a chronic illness, so they’re prepared in case you need some time off.
Focusing Too Much on Yourself
Self-care is important, but it should not be an excuse for you to become self-centered. You can take care of yourself and still have time and energy for others. In fact, spending time with others is a form of self-care. Ranch Hands Rescue says, “In some ways, self-care is community care, and community care is self-care. By investing and incorporating both into your everyday life, you can experience an increased sense of belonging to your community and the world.”
Undermining Others
It’s not your place to determine what others can or can’t do. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, for example, in a work setting, you shouldn’t even be thinking about other people’s abilities. You should focus on their character, especially if they have so many positive traits to offer to you and others.
Not Adapting to Others’ Communication Styles
Communication is key for a relationship, but that’s not where it stops. It’s also important to keep in mind how others prefer to communicate, as this will help you get your message across to them in the most effective way possible. If your partner prefers to call over text, you shouldn’t get frustrated when they take some time to respond to your texts.
Disregarding Others’ Time
We’ve all heard the saying that time is money, so you shouldn’t waste yours and, more importantly, you shouldn’t waste others’. There are many ways you can waste people’s time without knowing it, but the most common way to do this is by being late to gatherings.
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